Brian Dowling

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happyout2000 said:
Does Aoife have any kids on her own? Does she have a partner?
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No kids of her own and no partner. I heard Brian on a podcast with Zoe Hardman and he said Aoife really wanted to do this for them because “she’s 32 and single and might not get the chance to have kids”. 32 is so young! She still has a good ten+ years to potentially meet someone and have a family (all going well) I got the impression from that podcast that Aoife had written herself having kids off entirely and so wanted to do this for them to help them out but also to experience pregnancy for possibly the only time. I found that kind of sad. He did also say she got therapy beforehand which is good to hear
 
ahtisyourself said:
No kids of her own and no partner. I heard Brian on a podcast with Zoe Hardman and he said Aoife really wanted to do this for them because “she’s 32 and single and might not get the chance to have kids”. 32 is so young! She still has a good ten+ years to potentially meet someone and have a family (all going well) I got the impression from that podcast that Aoife had written herself having kids off entirely and so wanted to do this for them to help them out but also to experience pregnancy for possibly the only time. I found that kind of sad. He did also say she got therapy beforehand which is good to hear
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She is brave I have 3kids myself and loved been pregnant etc and no matter how hard it can be i
Could never imagine handing them over be extra hard if I had to see the baby I carried for 9months everyday
 
happyout2000 said:
She is brave I have 3kids myself and loved been pregnant etc and no matter how hard it can be i
Could never imagine handing them over be extra hard if I had to see the baby I carried for 9months everyday
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Yeah I get you. He said on the podcast with Zoe that Aoife won’t hold the baby when it arrives, that it will go straight to Brian and Arthur and Aoife will go into a separate room to recover after. I think she will spend a few weeks at her sisters then and not be around the baby for about a month. I hope she will be ok.
 
God twomenandasurrogacy gave their surrogate time alone with baby etc. they’ve built a lovely relationship with her and her family. Seems the lads are very focused on ‘themselves’ in all this. Hopefully all goes well and she’s ok after it.
 
ahtisyourself said:
Yeah I get you. He said on the podcast with Zoe that Aoife won’t hold the baby when it arrives, that it will go straight to Brian and Arthur and Aoife will go into a separate room to recover after. I think she will spend a few weeks at her sisters then and not be around the baby for about a month. I hope she will be ok.
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I hope it works out for them, I really do, however, I just don’t think any amount of counselling could prepare a person for what’s to come. If they weren’t closely related and in each other’s lives so much, then maybe, but having a month away or something along those lines, it feels like that would be quite traumatic, especially to later introduce yourself back in to their lives. They’ll be in a new routine/way of life that none of them can imagine right now so she won’t just slot back in. That in itself will be a trauma, especially as they’re all so attached right now. I hope I’m wrong
 
I know.. I was like 😬 when I heard that. Now don’t get me wrong, he did say Aoife is a massive priority in all of this and that he doesn’t want her to feel left out when the baby arrives, and that he knows and expects her and the baby to have a lovely bond - but he is very baby focused. It’s baby this and baby that, and nothing wrong with that either. But there is no way in hell the aftermath won’t be hard on Aoife in every way possible. That’s just the reality of it.
 
Wonder is that what they were advised to do, like she is gonna be the baby's aunt anyway and no harm for them the child to have an aunt or female figure that they might be close to growing up, seems strange to try and sever the bond immediately after birth when she is going to be in the baby's life forever anyway
 
scarymary1983 said:
Wonder is that what they were advised to do, like she is gonna be the baby's aunt anyway and no harm for them the child to have an aunt or female figure that they might be close to growing up, seems strange to try and sever the bond immediately after birth when she is going to be in the baby's life forever anyway
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I think he said he was thinking of doing skin to skin with the baby in the same recovery room as Aoife but that she wouldn’t get to hold it. And then she will be whizzed off to recoup with her sisters while they get into the nitty gritty of parenting. I hope it all works out for them. I guess there is no right or wrong way of doing any of it. It’s bound to be hard whatever way.
 
ahtisyourself said:
Yeah I get you. He said on the podcast with Zoe that Aoife won’t hold the baby when it arrives, that it will go straight to Brian and Arthur and Aoife will go into a separate room to recover after. I think she will spend a few weeks at her sisters then and not be around the baby for about a month. I hope she will be ok.
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I know it’s a v different situation to when I had my child for example but that breaks my heart. I remember after having my baby, I went into a recovery room and dad gave baby a bottle. They don’t have babies in recovery where I went as some women are there for other reasons and to be sensitive to them. I 100% get that after being there for v sad reasons myself. But that 15 min after having your baby but not being near them.. it feels so long and so unnatural. You’ve carried them for so long and they’re a part of you.

I really do hope it all works out and I assume they’ve sought professional advice on the process after baby is born but I hope Aoife is minded v well. Glad to hear she’s going to her sister but I hope there’s some post baby counselling too. It sounds like it’s v full on now with all 3 and all will be quiet and a little lonely afterwards. Everyone deserves a baby if they want one and look after it well but it’s a shame that it’s that bit more complex in these type of scenarios.
 
ahtisyourself said:
Yeah I get you. He said on the podcast with Zoe that Aoife won’t hold the baby when it arrives, that it will go straight to Brian and Arthur and Aoife will go into a separate room to recover after. I think she will spend a few weeks at her sisters then and not be around the baby for about a month. I hope she will be ok.
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Oh, that's awful. She has spent 9 months growing their baby and will give birth to it. She'll be the baby's aunt. To just send her off is awful!! I found giving birth absolutely horrific and had complications afterwards, I can't imagine going through that alone. I hope she has someone close to her to look after her. ❤
 
ahtisyourself said:
Brian also said that he asked his other sisters but they all said no as they’ve had their families and don’t want to go through it again. I think Aoife was a last resort tbh after listening to him. None of them have any clue of what lies ahead, sure how could you. Nothing can prepare you for it.
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I hope she didn’t feel pressured into it after the others saying no. Regardless though, I’m sure the extended family all helped come up with a plan to support both sides when they time comes. They’re all so close so & there’s enough of them to rally around between both. It will be tough, the guilt could be strong for anyone visiting the baby if they think Aoife is struggling & I imagine they’ll have to be careful what they say about the baby or the new parents in case it upsets her. She’ll suffer with a whirlwind of emotions just like anyone else who gives birth until her hormones settle down, I’m sure it’s the same for anyone who chooses to carry a baby for someone.
She looks exhausted & uncomfortable, I really hope the delivery goes well & that she recovers fast.
 
Very hard to be part of the baby’s life, wonder will Aoife be thinking what if? about the baby for years after
And I hope they don’t put on her to be babysitting, wouldn’t be fair at all
 
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