[TW - mention of ED behaviors]
Obviously Anna isn't posting as much recently, so there's not much to say, but I was thinking about this situation today and I wanted to share my thoughts again. As I mentioned earlier, I unfollowed Anna, but I looked at her Tik Tok/Instagram today to see what she's posting.
I feel like the general consensus on this thread is that we applaud Anna for recognizing her disordered eating, and for getting help and reaching out to her support system, but we condone that she still has all her old disordered content online for people to consume and possibly mimic.
One person who I've followed for a while is Jessie Paege. She came out a few years ago saying that she had anorexia, and she documented a lot of her recovery journey. Now most of her social media content is geared toward eating disorder recovery and mental health advocacy, and although she's branching out of that, she spent a TON of energy on that sort of content when she first "came out" about her ED. She shared her story, how her YouTube affected her with having people's opinions of her body on her constantly, and she apologized so much for her impact because she said she realized people were using her sick body as thinspo.
I am really upset that Anna hasn't shared her true story. I know, I know. She made a few videos about it. But...not really! I want to know what motivated Anna to start posting her before/after pics. I want to know what her mindset was when she made these 200 calorie recipes and publicized them. I want to know about how Tik Tok affected her mental health. I want to know her take on the fitness industry, and whether she thinks that it was toxic to begin with that Gymshark descended on her as a sponsor as soon as she had low body fat.
Anna has the chance to share her story--her real story--and to make peace with an audience that she hurt more than she helped. But, she isn't. Instead she chooses every day to ignore a lot of these real, raw issues, and keep everything surface-level.
I think this is why Anna bothers me so much. I usually rarely post anything online about people, and I've never left a "hate" comment on someone's content before this.
I guess my "hate" for Anna's content comes from the place that I used to admire her. I was going through a breakup around the time that she was, and I saw her as absolute goals. I followed her recipes and when I began to binge eat because I wasn't satisfied on those meals, I criticized myself so harshly for it. I would look at Anna and wonder why my willpower was so low.
When Anna said that she was binging around the time that I was, it just hurt me so badly. I never purged because I have a fear of throwing up. But I couldn't help but think "ohhh, if I was purging I'd look like Anna did, too." I'm a 22 year old young woman, mind you. I'm not a teenager. But I was still having these toxic, disordered thoughts in response to Anna's content.
I do not look like Anna did when she was being promoted for being so fit. I run ~25 miles/week and I am constantly going on walks around my neighborhood to stay active. I feel very healthy, and I'm the fittest I've ever been. But I haven't lost any weight from getting fit. Actually, I gained some weight, because I'm eating more and trying to sustain the energy to work out more. I am a size 4-6, a small/medium depending on the clothing size, but because I basically have Anna's exact body pre-weight-loss, I hated myself for this.
I listened to Anna's advice and I became unhealthier for it. I know I'm not the only one who has a story like this. What scares me most is that many of her followers are younger than me--teenage/preteen girls who probably experienced similar ED behaviors following Anna's advice.
I hate that Anna has this public platform that actually harmed so many people, and now she is not apologizing sincerely to me and the other people who were sucked into her delusion. I inadvertently followed the advice that led to Anna developing bulimia, and that scares me so badly. I still struggle with overeating/undereating now, and this all began around the time I began following Anna's recipes.
I'm sorry for the long rant, but I just feel so hurt over this, still. I know this thread is less active, but I just wish Anna would realize the damage she's done to real people like me and so many others.