Cleaning with Mario

About

Mario D’Agostin Mcknight is 41 years old (27/08/1983) and is hailed as Scotland's answer to Mrs Hinch.
He has 154k followers on his Instagram account.
He originally comes from Ardrossan in Ayrshire and currently lives in a 1 bed flat in Paisley with his fiancé Derek Johnstone aged 36 (19/03/1988) and their pussy Rayn (17/04/17). Lengthy 6-year engagement (25/08/18) with no immediate plans for marriage, Mario alludes to being broody. Has already upgraded/changed his engagement ring.

Presents conflicting feelings for his home, often referred to as his “safe place” which he loves, but dreams of a 4 bed detached like his older brother (Johnny) and sister (Krystal) have. Has insisted he could get a mortgage at the click of his fingers (“lit that!”), but appears to have no plans to move any time soon having blown a fair amount of money on redecorating his rental over and over and over and over again.

Worked at Debenhams for years until the pandemic of March 2020, was furloughed and then left in the first wave of redundancies.
He has since started his dream joab as a cleaner at the local Polis offices.

Claims to suffer from a number of ailments although behaviours displayed have Tattlers questioning the legitimacy of a few, including IBS (truly atrocious diet), super highly sensitive skin (but uses harsh chemicals without needing rubber gloves) and Keratoconus (eye condition affecting cornea). Known to Tattlers as “Kerry Katonas”.

Bonafide shopaholic - there is very little this man won't purchase, often in triplicate. Admitted recently to drowning in debt. Was grateful that the pandemic came and washed away all of his money worries.

Utterly incapable of correct use of punctuation, also his spelling and comprehension of his posts are atrocious.
He is the less successful brother of writer-director Johnny McKnight. The wee family.

Blue Tick.
On Feb 7, 2023, he announced that he's been awarded a blue tick. He acted (and his followers blew up his arse) as if it was an internationally acclaimed Influencer award given out to the deserved few.
What he forgot to mention is that anyone can apply for it.
30/05/23 - insisted that he hadn't applied for the blue tick, it was given to him far all his hard work. IG surprised him so aye.
Name.
07/08/23 - Posted that he wants a name change as he hates the title, hates telling people the name and it's not really him the noo. He has grown up. Wishes it was just ''Mario''. But due to him being a bonafide blue tick it's rather difficult to change it, so aye. Bolloxs I say.
04/01/24 - Still bleating on that he wants the cleaning bit of his IG name removed.

DM facility is oof the noo. Allegedly.
He has turned oof his DM's, this only applies to new followers and anyone who did not DM'd him befare he turned it oof.
Basically put, any arse-licker sad sack that did manage to message him befare he activated this monumental safety measure, can still do so. He does however still receive hunners of thoosands of DM's.
Confirmed here in 2023 that people canna DM him and can only leave comments through his grid posts.
04/08/23 - The twat insists he has DM problems which no one else in the world has.

The twonk is noo posting AFF links.
When you click, a cookie is placed on your device which means for up to 30 days or so he gets a commission on *whatever* you buy from that site - even if you are not buying the thing you originally swiped up for.
**** If you have clicked then remember to clear your cache. ****
Affiliated link explanation.
Amazon Link Whore.
Signing for the program is free. You will receive a commission if an interested buyer clicks on the Amazon link on your website and purchases the item. The commission ranges from 1% to 20%, depending on the product category.
https://affiliate-program.amazon.co.uk/help/node/topic/GRXPHT8U84RAYDXZ
His Amazon linky.
Moving on up with all the other influencers.
Has a Look Fantastic code the noo.

Links - 01/09/24 - He isnay that type of person to link products, that's nay his style so if ya need to know DM him.

Dots of Doom.
When IG restricted the vids to 15 secs he often did so many stories the dashes turned to dots, so we started using this term. One day he did 97 stories.
He is prone to drone on & on and constantly repeats himsen time after time, often in the same story,
They normally contain nothing of importance and can be that boring they will send you to sleep.

Commission.
07/07/2020 - Openly admitted he receives 10% from AvaMay and 20% from Sph2onge*.
* Dosna #ad them anymore.
His money-off code for brands was the manly mariosmafia10 but it has since changed to the more genteel mario10.

LOL

Bucket list

Not sure if this should go under the category of 'what the hell' but it's a laugh so here it shall be.

He uploaded a fuck it year 2024 bucket list in July.
Comprising of a trip to Blackpool, Deek to pass his theory & then driving test, friends/family to come over to the bedsit, decorate the LR, go to a concert blah de blah de blah.
Hoot and take the pee we all did. This is not a bucket list Mario but a to-do list ffs. Like this one he made during lockdoon.
13/12/24 - His bucket list is noo completed. He failed to mention that parts of it were left oof.

Adventures of Mario.

Jan 2023 Sat 14th - He had a few lassies over to sample his delightful cheese board, just the usual suspects. Gobby Ma Rendall, Misfit Jaw, a MUA and his BFF Hannah. Anyhoo later that evening Naranja Deek, Martin and Posh Wax went oot for some nosh to a Italian French place. Afterwards, they nipped to the cinema to see the Whitney filem. Hannah stayed over tha neet and we suspect she slept on the concrete sofa.
Sun 15th - In tha morning Maz and H went to see the teen he blocked last year. For this betrayal, he received a star. Mare food. That night he filmed H with a mask on, the weirdo.
Mon 16th - Today is the day. He said last week ''This is when the adventures begins'' so here we go..... He is on a train going somewhere. London beckoned. Posh wax was with him.
Tues 17th - Posted he was still in London. Went to brunch for Greedy's book launch, a lot of other IG scammer's friends were there, Hinch, SSS, her dead sister, PTWM. Then he revealed Deek had popped doon to take him hame. He will be back.
and to top it oaf Greedy shaded him with “never goes anywhere outside of his home town”. Taxi back to Beirut Castle.
Wed 18th - Gutted the hoose, 3 cunt washings and a reel of his adventures to tha Big Smoke. Ramblings.

Visiting Hinch.

21/03/24 to 23/03/24
Thursday - Went off with his chaperone Deek and his wheelie suitcase to catch the train to Mexborough where 'H' met them. Complained about the smell humans make on the train, you smelt it so you dealt it Maz.
Went to the factory and underfilled poured some wax melts. Popped to MH and filmed the kiosk, it smelt lovely and was absolutely stunning.
They then had a pizza. Went to bed at Hannah's gaff moaning about how many hours sleep he'd had.
Friday. Early doors road trip (which is a bit of a journey - no it is not) with the added bonus of a live from Hannah's account while she was driving. One recording but plenty of pics. The best one was ''it's like watching the Krankies being driven around by Rose West'' Deek was reading oot the comments.
From post 375 thread 120 for screenshots of the live.
Royal visit commences - No pics or videos of the day 3 hours, apart from one on Sofa's bed. Sofa did feed them, she ordered them a Domino pizza.
Driving back the noo, it was good to meet her and his cup runneth over again. Then another live while they stopped to scoff a Maccy's as they were starving.
One recording of him raging about trolls and loads of pics. Deek reading out the comments again.
Best one not read out ''how do I get to work part-time and claim PIP and benefits like you''. Back to Hannah's for the night.
From post 525 for screenshots of the live.
Saturday - The train journey hame. He took nay pictures (Hannah did though), the memories tho are forever. A ''let's go 2024'' video of him pouring wax again and squinting badly. Then all cosy at hame to end the day.

Going further afield.

Abroad - The furthest that Tattle has seen him go is Blackpool but in his delusions, he thinks he has been to Ibiza (cafe mambo)(lies)
Belfast - 09/05/23. Announced that he is oof ta Belfast far a wee jaunt, Tattle is still waiting far this to happen as he has gone naywhere the noo.
Summer 2024 - 23/04/23 - We are going the noo on a bespoke holiday journee, He was looking and saving up, but then Deek treatit them to a Summer 2024 holiday. NY is then on the cards. He has noo purchased his Tripp luggage. Black for Deek, baby blue for him.
Jet 2 - Showed the booking but it was declared bullshit.
Sunscreen - Bought some oof Amazon but was frauded. But all is well the noo, the bank sorted it oot.
Clothes - is noo purchasing holiday clobber. All in the size petite.
Lists - Is asking for advice on how to pack.
Where is he going? - Well Tattle detective @no flouncing discovered a Facebook page, Mario was on it asking for advice for Costa Teguise. Staying at Be Live Experience Lanzarote Beach Lanzarote.
12/06/23 - Moaning about the heat noo.
14/06/23 - Moaning agin aboot the heat while lying in bed in a teeshirt.
16/06/23 - Moaning agin aboot the heat. He is so over it.
01/08/23 - Watching his figure but Deek bought him tons of criss. In fish and chip flavour.
01/08/23 - A sippy cup with their name on far their 2024 holiday
05/08/23 - A Stanley cup that was all the rage last year on TT
01/05/24 - Showed oof his eyelash journee and then silence of the lambs. Speculation was it was in preparation for his holiday.
02/05/24 - @Loopylou28 posted he had fooked oof on his hoibobs. Didna want to post as his security would be compromised ie his bedsit burgled.

The time has arrived to get some sun,
Lanzarote here we come.

From thread 122, page 40 for the laughs.
05/05/24 - He has posted, copying a TT trend. This is why he is quiet. Mario was hyper. Took their named sippy cups along with them. Had been there for 4 nights then posted his and Deeks outfits for the night from day 1. Still hyper. Showed oof his bright red burnt forehead, Maibu suncream bought last year not working then! Cocktail time. Signed oof with the Italian ''Buona notte''
06/05/24 - Supermodel he is and a water baby. Oot for a wee sangria drinky in his maw's lace blouse and he's met hunners of his fans.
07/05/24 - Morning sea view. posted his day 3 night time outfit. Took the bus to toon, went shopping bought mare perfume because he can ''nayone can stop him'', an Indian meal and got cake. Night 4 outfit presented. Mare sangria later. Went on to say his hotel was extremely adults only despite there being a buggy at reception. Then to catch up, outfit 5.
08/05/24 - Last day, the place has stolen a piece of his heart. Breakfast. Drinking by the pool. Reel. Chilli', shady but can still burn, oof to get a steak then back to normality. Has his eye on a few places and then off to see the world. His last night outfit premiered. Then had a dig at Tattle. Went out for a burnt steak. His legs are frazzled. Dm's have gone mental due to his OOTD, He is back to working 7 days a week, when he next goes oot he will share, blah blah. Piccy with Rosemary. A waffle post about his confidence. Back to his safe space the noo.
09/05/24 - Acting like Judith Chalmers telling us how to go on holiday blah blah, he posted dots of doom & food pics for a lengthy review of the resort they stayed in and Lindsey Rotte Lanzarote itself.
The silly twat revealed they paid extra to go all-inclusive but due to him being a fussy eater and used to fine dining it was a no from him. So they dined oot, frequenting the local restaurants for a splendid fried brekkie, a superior Italian, a wealthy pizza and a rich burnt steak.
10/05/24 - Reverse TT video of them returning hame.

A fake review on the Jet2 app. At 1st I thought it was real, then gave masen a slap.
Anyhoo it's noo had a company response... enjoy.

Night outfit - Beek.
Day 1. Full video 1. Full video 2. Full video 3.
Day 2. Full video 1. Full video 2. Full video 3.
Day 3. Full video 1. Full video 2. Full video 3.
Day 4. Full video 1. Full video 2.
Day 5. Full video 1. Full video 2.
Day 6. Full video 1. Full video 2.
Night outfit - Deek.
Day 1.
Day 2.
Day 3.
Day 4.
Day 5.
Day 6.

13/09/24 - Posted that hunners have been or booked to go and holiday in Lindsay Rotte, Nay ad or gifted, all honest and paid for by Maz & Deek.
Influencing at its best it appears.
Clearly, it's due to his tip-top review videos of visiting the Island, the rooms, the entertainment and the fine AI food - that he didna do.

Off to Gran Canaria to get more sun,
Tattle is ready to have some fun.

3/05/24 - Posted that he is off to Gran Canaria. It is speculated he's oof to the hotel Misfit Jaw swans oof to every year but maybe no as she stays in boujee 5* hotels. No date has been mentioned as yet by him, Deek is probably having to work overtime to pay for it.

And the noo he is a seasoned traveller, ready to explore the world. One Spanish island at a time. So si.

LOL some mare

Mario the King of Autumn and Christmas - 25/09/22. Proclaimed he will forever be the Kind of autumn and Christmas (na am quote)
Mario the Interior Designer - 29/10/22. He isn't attempting it this year but what if I ''Mario'' na ma quote, came to yours to do ya Christmas decorating.
Mario the Gardener 15/06/23 - Illiterate post to give out a landscape gardener recommendation, even though I doubt many have asked, seeing he dosna have a garden.
Mario the Roofer - Started following the window cleaners that washed the roofs on Hinch farm, even though he lives in a cooncil bedsit flat.
Mystic Mario - posted to say that he had downloaded an app to try and contact the deed, heard a female voice so in fear deleted the app. In the morning saw a robin in the Beirut stairwell ootside his bedsit and is now shitting himself silly.
Mario the Travel Reviewer - Judith Chalmers gave his view on their trip to Lanzzrote - see above.

Blocking - For years he has been banging on aboout the fact that on IG he knows who follows him & who dosna so he blocks them instantly. 17/06/24 he ranted aboot this again so some Tattle members started an experiment, they were to follow him then unfollow him every day. They are still not blocked.

Notebook for his lies - he really should purchase a notebook to keep up with all his lies.
Coffee - He hates coffee but is drinking it here. He had a decaff coffee here made by Derek. Canna drink it, Derek is the coffee drinker in the hoose.
Hoose is cold/hot - The hoose is cold the noo in winter but in Sept that year it was always roasting, so roasty he could wear his Kat Slater PJ's around the house. and jeez there's mare lies. At one point he put on some granny fleece bedding as the house was so so cold.
Kitchen roll snob - 23 June, he has been using this brand of kitchen roll for evvverr - but it was only released 5 June 2024. In the past he used any when they were on offer.
Laundry products - Due to his highly senstive skin he has to use the sensitive products. Deek can have whatever. Sept 2020 he was using Fabulosa for weeks. However, May 2020 he was using Eco Egg.
Lost all his pictures/videos. Dec 22. When swapping over his phone he lost everything apart from 1 pic of him and the blister. Yeah okay.
Titanic - He is a Titanic fanatic. He must have seen the filem at the cinema 9 times when it was oot *he was 14 at the time). He is thus the noo a 2-time pub champion on the subject.
Toothache - 24 July - Wednesday night he proclaimed he'd had toothache for 3 days, did not disclose this during his dots of doom but still wanted his fans to know. Anyhoo the big liar had consumed a beige meal of chips & nuggets on Monday.
Trends - Apparently, dosna follow any, well here ya go - coffee/tee/drinks stations, crushed velvet, pink tree, wooden slat blinds, shutter, navy kitchen, herringbone floor, grinch theme tree, media wall, panelling, makeup, skincare, Dyson hairdryer, shoes, ugg slippers ete etc.

Daisy Uncle - Went to his niece's dance recital and wore a hoodie with Daisy Uncle on the back. This name has been used forever more on Tattle.
95% - Talking about the instac*nt that is PTWM, he said ''I know there's a lot of women that follow my page, a lot of women, 95% of women that follow me..... (on 1st video)
C*nts - Tattle trolls were given the best accolade ever by Maz, 2024 International Women's Day he announced that we were all c*nts. Thanks hunney. Chef's kiss.
Reading - Seems to have a passion for reading the noo, 12/01/23 started his freebie copy of Miss Greedy’s' You do you', he apparently took 4 hours to read it and on 24/01/23 started PTWM novel 'A Patchwork Life' which was more than likely given oot free when he met up with her in London. The fool couldn't even spell her name correctly even though it was on the book cover.
Nay idea if he has finished PTWM's book, but he is the noo onto something harder, an entitlement book! He has got the Secret and the Magic by Rhona Byrne. His side table is currently holding his library collection of freebies. mainly Hinch's crap.
18/07/23 - Still enjoying my reading of books -nay ma quote - The Maid by Rita Prose.
19/07/23 - Purchased Verity by Coleen Hoover for his holiday next year!
23/10/23 - Was gifted a diary which included positive quotes and shopping lists etc. He is in to positive mindsets and he tries to be positive on this app.
15/09/24 - This time he's been gifted a Make It Happen daily productivity planner, can use it to recall his lies.

Scottish Home of the Year - Fun fact. Posted that he was approached to apply for Christmas special of SHOTY. He didna apply though as he isn't in the big houses league.
Safe space - Remarked that his bedsit is his safe space, But his block of flats and the surrounding streets are notoriously unsafe, this includes attempted muurdah, dug hairs in the close stairs, food being chucked doon them, tops of ears bitten oof, junkies in the bedsits below his oon flairs, and possession a guns ma luvlies. Niiice.
4 years on IG - Received a reminder to say that he'd started on the app IG 4 years ago on 05/09/2018, but apparently, it was his wee brother Johnny that persuaded him to start the cleaning page and it was 06/09/2018.
82k - Dec 2019 this amount of followers.
146k Followers - Went to 146,234k followers on 10/11/21 but since then this has not increased much for over a year. On 01/11/22 he was at 146.594k.
156k Followers - As of May 2024 his followers are this high but he is now constantly in the red.
155k Followers - End of May his followers are decreasing still.
154k Followers - Aug decreased to 154k.

Fake Reviews - Mare Tripadviser reviews which are reportable by Marion. Castelvecchi. and China Si.
Xmas PJ's - 2024 they are so cosy, indeed so cosy he is still wearing them in June.
In the hot tub - 27 May 2023. One sunny day in brother Johnny's garden, Burt & Ernie aka Deek & Beek went for a dip. Deek was wearing neon shorts and Beek was wearing the truck-driver matching vest. Laughed we did.
During the day - Had a rant about wasting money on Temu, being caught in Edinburgh when there's football on and also a concert day, carnage it was - give him the London life any day and then criticism over weight/ body shapes after his hot tub dip.
Influencer - 06/09/22 - Dots of doom stories, Is rather adamant that he is not one and doesn't like the word ''influencer'', He gets affronted - nay ma quote - when speaking on the app & even in front of Derek, so this is the reason he has failed as an influencer. Then videoed Derek a few hrs later! But earlier in the month he bought himself a name tag and IG logo! He also needs to embrace the influencer.
11/09/22 - Storied picking out his favourite oil for a top-secret AvaMayAromas new scent. Used his big snozzel to sniff them awwl and sniffed coffee in between to clear him oot. This was done in front ov Derek.
06/10/22 - Lenor #ad posted as a reel, this was so bloody funny it produced plenty of Mickey taking and jokes on his thread.
18/02/23 - Noo he has a blue tick he thinks he is a bonafide influencer. When MH came to Glasgow Silverburn to sign her new 'book' Adventures of Hinch Farm he paid £12.99 to queue up support and meet her, he got a kiddie book thrown in as well. He was called Scotland's David Beckham fae queuing. Didna stay long as the day was aboot her not him. Went to get a drink to celebrate, Deek looked more gormless than usual. A few piccies posted of him in the wild.
Fairy ad - Fileemd a washing-up ad. Told his huns to turn doon the water temp to save money, then proceeded to turn doon the tap.
19/05/23 - At it again.
14/12/23 - Day before tried to influence people to buy some wooden tags - failed. Today sticking to his day job it seems.

Clean and Tidy Home Show - Desperately wants to be an influencer but states he isn't one, well he has declined to go to the C&THS in London as it's too far and oot of his comfort zone. He missed his BFF Soph as she turned up on Sunday.
Booze trolley - Once had a trolley full of booze.
Butter. Morrisons SantaSanta butter, bought but never used. Tattle likened it to a butt plug.
Candy Cane Lame - Nov 21. Posted a pic of his Candy Cane Lane sign and it was changed forever more to Candy Cane Lame.
30/10/22 - Showcased another Candy Cane Lame sign, OMG it is wonky as f*ck. and it cost a tenner. He waz robbed so aye.
24/12/22 - Posted he was signing oof this app until the new year, less than 48 hours later he was back.
Maz Doonican jumper - Wore his hideous Christmas jumper again, it's been doing the roonds since 2019 or mare.
Confetti cannon - Tried but failed miserably to be a proper influencer when he received a PR package of Elbow Grease products with a pink confetti cannon. Couldn't even fielm it right, the stoopid cnut. it popped in the corner out of shot and he showed the cannon itself.
Chickenlittle007 - Speculation that this poster was Mario or even Derek or Krystal. eg - I can't imagine Mario blocking anyone for no reason at all! I understand this isn't a race* thread, I just don't understand why everything he does is wrong! ie having children, decorating a tree, designing a diffuser, in a time of #bekind I just think that everyone think should take it on board! The poster has now disappeared. * Na ma quote.
Crappy lappy - Purchased a £140 32GB laptop for work - mainly IG and other workie bits i.e online shopping, so aye.
Dehumidifier - 24/01/23. Asked for recommendations for a dehumidifier, he boaked at the £200 ish price. Was possibly trying for a freebie as a day later he bought a £60 teeny tiny one which looked rather useless.
Demolition plans - The Beirut bedsit was in the line of fire for demolition from the local cooncil. Goofy received a letter and he got upset aboot the prospect of leaving the bedsit of his dreams that he'd built from the groond up & moving to a house with a front & back door. But alas it was not meant to be, he'd misread the letter, the area he lives in is getting regenerated and he is staying the noo.
15 Dec 2022 - The cooncil have been oot to the hoose and said it is the best place on the block.
2023 - Will re-doing his kitchen as he hates the brick effect wallpaper. The cooncil came oot and surveyed the area for the renovations, they admired his flat, so aye.
June 2023 - The kitchen reno started in full swing. He was going to show it aff at the weekend but not the noo.
He has bought a new JJ bin at £160 to go with his JJ drainer and bowl.
A Smeg kettle & toaster purchased the noo even though he had complained they were too heavy, crap for the money and dosna follow trends.
Then new salt & pepper pots, and a new sink drainer scrubber.
The kitchen is then wrapped for the 4th time.
Kitchen wraps -
4 - 17 June 2023 - Marble effect worktop and grey cupboards.
3 - 04 May 2021 - Oak effect worktops - fooked the worktop up by using mould & mildew spray thinking it was kitchen spray but he later claimed it was bleach. Kerry Katonas involved.
1 or 2 - 2018 ish or befare - Black gloss worktops.
1 - Cannae find evidence of the 1st wrap so the black gloss maybe the 1st.
Shutter - The piece de la resistance, he has got a Hinch inspired shutter. His sink tap is in the way so he had ta get a concertina-style one. But his JJ drainer still has to be moved oot of the way though, lol.
Box in Journee - Still no finished, he the noo wants to box in the unsightly electricity box.
Dinky doos - They are dinky doo's. Here with Hannah and her last beau.
Dots of Doom - Tattle members @namsks and @DramaQueen79 asked a q. it was answered but then @namsks got blocked.
Crisps - Ate a big bag ov criss one night and will not share, even Deek dosna get a lookin.
Gifts to himself - Bought himself a Daniel Wellington watch at Christmas 2019.
Goldmine - If he was to leave his hoose that he built from the groond up, he said the tenants that come after him will be walking into a goldmine, lol
Gogglebox - Became Google box
Gucci - Claimed his knockoff trainers were hurting him.
FaceBook - @Tinkerbell cat foond his very old FaceBook page that he canna remember the password for. Just type his full name into FB & it's the second profile on the list. Some gems. More. Half-sister. Thread 43 from post 379 oonwards.
There's only 1 me - There’s only 1 me.
Oops - He loves the sun
Twitter - Mariomcknight @maz27mcknight
Football shirt - Daddy McKnight wore Mario's middle name on his shirt. D’Agostin
Italian stallion - bespoke Italian bloodline.
Macy's - His Christmas ribbon door and tress decorating was alikened, by the postie, to Macy's in New York in America.
Martin - Someone reposted a Tattle post saying Mario was really called Martin. This was proved incorrect but he is noo called Martin.
Morning Routine - Posted a video of him playing at being an influencer his morning routine, he placed his dozen products on the loo and proceeded to start the shower. Copying Andrew Wheatfield. Then moaned when he had to go to work which was at 11am.
New Lionel flairs - 2 years after his crapet was fitted he then went on another decorating joournay. Laminate Lionel was fitted on his bedsit lounge flairs. This was to be documented and revealed at the weekend but the fitter spoiled the surprise by posting a snippet beforehand. Mario did not acknowledge this major breach at all. lol.
eta, It appears they are vinyl flairs, not Lionel oops,
Next - States he was assistant manager, he waz at the top, but it was too much for him.
Night Oot - hinted in the week that he was going oot on Sat night. He couldn't find an outfit this late or had anything appropriate in his wardrobe though. They even faked tanned. Speculation was rife as to who was the lucky soul to be honoured with Marion's presence oot on the toon. Turned out to be his blister sister's cheating fella’s birthday. The festivities ended up at an awards night for the niece's dance school where they filmed Derek dancing
Premier Inn pillows - purchased some from their website. he storied them, the sheep were apparently asking aboot them and then the site crashes. He claimed it was because of him but the site said demand for their pillows was due to a viral TikTok,
Hobbycraft pumpkins - 20/08/22, showed off his wee haul of some velvet pumpkins. Then later on posted his ''effect'' had sold them oot, again it was a TikTok trend from a few weeks ago. The next day posted a pic of someone buying them!
Profile - following the latest trend he changed his profile picture, the next day after reading Tattle that the Russians were after people's data it was changed back.
Postcast - 09/05/22 Announced that he is to do a podcast postcast (nae my quote) with someone fabulous. Tattle laughed. 28/05/22. Turned out he was in the car of his wee pal the_misfit_maw with mother_rendall for moral support because he's such a big fanny.
Salt - After weeks of Tattle ridiculing him for his vast intake of salt and the consequences, he may have finally listened to us.
Skin - Got sunburn on his face and can't find any SPF to suit his skin as he is extremely the highest spectrum of sensitivity on his face. Who caters for that, naybody.
Snow globe - 29/11/23 While in Edinburgh seeing all the sights Not. They had their picture taken in a snow globe.
Spice Girls Concert - Mario looks sullen but Derek enjoying life.
Wax Melt business - While flying high on his birthday, believes he could create a business by making wax melts. He then decided it might be a bad idea.
Xmas - Constantly posting his crap tat 3 months before the event brings smiles to his fanny base so it does. It's his therapy and something to focus on.
Tattle laughs - @Kikiini Bamalam sent him a badly spelt message for a laugh.
Wayfair - After it was mentioned on Tattle on 8 Dec 2023 that his lounge had been seen on Facebook, weeks later 3 Jan 2024 the wee goblin said he received info that Wayfair had used an image of his fireplace for an advert. Hunners of messages telling him about it but he is dealing with it so all is ok.

OMG

Bed - Under the bed
Rayn - She bit him straight after this picture was taken. She wished Hinch's dog Henry a happy 5th birthday here. She hates him and he admits it.
Drip drip drip - Rain coming through into the LR agin. Rants galore for 2 days.
21/08/24 - Came hame and the rain is dripping doon his wall agin. he is fumming at the cooncil. The roofers cannae go up the noo as it’s too windy. Hoo can he make it waterproof while he goes to bed. They went up for 20 mins, banged aboot for an hoor! What is he gonna wake up to? Will withhold his rent so he will. Cowboys. Still ranting later that night.
22/08/24 - In the morning still ranting, he was gonna go oot and scream at the roofers but he's soooo tired. Finally left - post deleted later on. He's leaving it for the noo as hopefully it's sorted, however he is afraid to sleep as he'll be up all neet & is at work tomorrow. However, the wally did set up a highlight page titled PTRC - Paper Trail Renfrewshire Council lol.
Then Deek posted....Marion on the sofa in his Grinch PJs fake sleeping.

Film - 22 Jan 2024 - watched an illegal download of the Color Purple.
2019 - IG wouldn't be the same without him. He won't give up.
AvaMay - She was sent a message to ask why does he continue to flog her tat but buys other brands, a snotty reply was sent back with Mario wading in as well..
Rita Ora - Revealed that she has a collab out with Primark and he had the audacity to say NO Perrie Sian was tha gal, This went doon like a lead balloon with Tattle as basically, he has no opinion, for 1, he is a man and can not pit women against women and 2, Perrie is the ITS style creative director so wouldn't want the job anyway. Fook oof Maz.
The day after reading here in tha morning he'd received a fake message saying how he related to and stood by women. He has women in his life, hates they bring each other doon, most of his haters are women, he finds men hard to gravitate towards but wants a man friend that he dosnna fancy. Factual.
After his troll rant - 13/03/23 He had a great week planned while Deek had annual leave, but Deek was ill. Then predictively he came back 15/03/23 saying he'd also been ill.
Orange Order - @JoeExotic outed Derek as a member of the Scottish Orange order, an anti-catholic sectarian secret fraternity that do not like gays, it is suspected that he is no longer a member. Due to this fact, most Tattle members do not speak highly or are not sympathetic towards Derek anymore.
Queens Funeral Quote - 19/09/22 - Very historical moment in history.
Army - Derek fund his supposedly lost Army Veteran badge in the bedsit of doom. Obviously, he was that proud it was hidden away! However, eBay sell them for £2.99 so aye.
Bauble - Has a memorial Christmas bauble for his friend Natalie, the sad part is he fell out with her years before she died in 2017. Apparently, he was awful to her but is now using her a lot for IG content. Stooped even lower today by posting the order of service for Natalie's mum who died in Feb 2022. Please leave it alone now Mario.
Mariah Carey - Is obsessed with her at Christmas, so he has noo ordered 2 baubles from Amazon for £21.99 each. They are coming from the US.
Grief woes. - Posting pictures about Natalie and her mum.
Bedroom - After a few weeks of being a tease, he finally showed off his bedroom makeover. All he did was change the bed, adding on a new longer padded headboard, 2 new bedside tables with lights that hung down like snooker table lights, a new scallop-shaped velvet chair and a circular mirror. All designed by Mario himself and gifted by Dan-yell. Move over Kelly Hoppen. An online search for comparisons as they looked oddly similar to others for sale.
Camel Toe - 01/10/22 posted a pic of his wee blister Krystal Chandelier in her jeans, she appeared to have a camel toe.
Car air fresheners - July 2020 - purchased 3 to go in the car they have been saving for months to buy.
Deek's driving lessons - June 23 2020. Recommendations for driving instructors.
21/07/23 - Maz was asking for driving instructors as Deek was having nay luck finding one.
11/08/23 - 3rd lesson so far.
22/01/24 - For Deek's birthday Maz booked his theory.
06/02/24 - He'd already done around 30 lessons but not the theory. Hopefully on the road by Summer.
23/08/24 - Maz asking for places to buy a wee car ''for if and when that time comes''
Casket videos - proceeded to post videos of him viewing an open coffin/casket at a funeral, 1 about Deek, 1 called the wrong funeral and 1 called best friend’s funeral - considering it was only a few weeks ago that his deceased ex-friend's mother died, this was deemed to be highly inappropriate. To finish them off he posted a troll one.
Hilariously he told people to unfollow him on TikTok as he is never on it, even though he''d filmed it via TikTok! He has now added them to his highlight page so bad taste can be viewed there forever.
Then 1 more so aye, called random funerals. He doesn’t give up the loon toon.
Children - A rambling post about not having children.
Wants a baby - 04/06/23 posted a short video of him in Asda, whining '' It's not fair''. Then a post later saying he's fine. It's a dream of his, it's horrible not having a legacy to leave behind, too many obstacles blah blah.
Again 2024 - On Father's Day, Deek would make a great dad as he is a good one to Rayn. Mario would be the mum.
Cosmetic procedures - July 14th eyelash jurnee incoming. Posted he'd been to a spa for a lash lift and then revealed he'd also had a lip filler procedure carried oot 6 days prior, Nothing to do with social media pressures though, performed because of his thin lips so aye.
The day after 17/07/22 he applied a home manicure, no difference was seen apart from his manky bitten nails which appeared to have been dipped in chip oil.
Later on posted about people keeping screenshots of him on their phones and he thought it was hilarious & weird. But he's fine btw.
10/09/22 - another lash lift.
Compromised safety - Wants recommendations (more like begging for a freebie) for a pet-friendly place as they want to go away on a break with Rayn. Believes his safety and Rayns are compromised so doesn't want to leave her with anyone. Due to her dietary needs, this is why they haven't ventured abroad. Holy fuck.
Crafting - Made a Xmas wreath table decoration that probably cost far more to buy supplies than if shop-bought, It was awful.
Cups - Is constantly buying cups. Purchased these to drink pop out of.
Cushions - found some £65 cushion covers after 2 years in the bedroom, the trouble is it had only recently been cleared out for the new bed.
Decaff Coffee - had a decaff coffee and said it had kept him awake all neet long but it turned out Derek had given him a normal one (even though he hates coffee). Likes it here though.
Doesn't like - Craved chocolate, which is something that he supposedly hates. Again. Christmas ruins them and getting stuck in. Chocolate in Christmas Eve Box. He also hates coffee but likes Starbucks toffee ones. You either dosna like them or ya do Mario.
Debt - Tattle member @Scottishmamma92 spilt some tea, that - allegedly - Marion and Derek have several accounts with debt collectors. Generally, they receive no response and dosna repay any balances.stuck
Dream Hoose - For months walked past his dream hoose, a new build that was eventually sold to someone else lol.
Dyson hair dryer - 2021 during lockdown Derek bought him, as a surprise, a £300 pink Dyson for his 3 hairs.
New Grey Dyson - 27 Jan 2024. Warranty ended 3 days prior to his dots of doom. It's not as hot as it used to be. Lost his rag with customer services, as a Virgo he will strike. He was relentless. got his way in the end as they must have thought he was a psychotic bastard - nay my quote - and they came through big time.
Still using the pink one to this day. Seen 5 Feb 2024. Seen 04 Aug 2024. Seen 21 Sept 2024.
Elephants - posted saying 'The elephants keep walking but the dogs keep barking' blah blah. Made up or stolen? No idea what he means but it's delusional as f*ck.
Engagement ring - Warren James, all for £16.00. This was a surprise replacement for the original one he ruined, redipped it, and then kept both.
Wedding Day - Bleats on aboot what he wants at their his wedding, cake, singers, decor etc. But on 04/10/24 more or less admitted that there is nay hope of getting married. Has/had a fund box but not seen for years, the place has been gutted many times over, so it's probably gone to that tip and the contents spent on tat.
Fake Q & A- Tattle has always stated that whenever he posts Q&A he sends the Qs and then answers them. On 26/05/22 he did indeed send one. In the past, he has admitted to having another phone.
Follows - Quite a lot of the Instafuckers have popped onto 'this app' to post about the talented young musician that died due to a brain tumour, he, therefore, had to jump on this bandwagon and post about his loss.
Follows - Even though he doesn't follow her, again he popped onto this app to post about a writer that is terminally ill.
Intercom - Painted the hall door intercom black. it was likened to a tampon.
IG engagement - trying to get engagement up, so started off by asking for the funniest text that had been sent to someone else rather than the proper recipient - his was that he was shitting a lot like a bridesmaid from the fillam. followed by hunners of pics of his fugly snout.
Loo - He'd just been on the crapper when Hannah Chapman aka AvaMay and her last squeeze came to the bedsit and surprised him at the door. Thanks, Derek you're a star.
IBS - After a chat about his IBS he posted that hunners of his followers also suffer like he does. he only goes oot with his family/close friends and so makes up excuses not to go oot. Has suffered from it the past 6 years so 2013.
Nails - Purchased a nail kit. He’s a qualified nail tech don't ya know. Apparently did a college course.
Panelling - posted a video of his fake panelling wall joornae on his grid with It’s how far you’ve come not how far you were, What?
Phones - Dec 22. When swapping over his phone he lost everything apart from 1 pic of him and the blister.
02/12/22 - Aw she's beautiful - a new IPhone 13 with covers.
16/09/24 - Has ordered a new IPhone 16 Pro, over a £1000.
21/09/24 - It's arrived.
Ring doorbell - Bought a ring doorbell, showed the packaging but then it has not been seen since, so it is suspected that he boxed it back up and returned it.
Stealing and lying- Poster @Lipsy claims he was allegedly sacked from Semichem for stealing. And they also suggested he was allegedly sacked from Next (when he was the under manager) for lying. This was prior to his job at Debenhams.
@Jerry Garcia recalls from another poster that this was due to some not so ingenious accountancy where he made it seem that targets were fulfilled when in reality they fell far short.
Semichem deal - Mario & his pal Hannah went to a Semichem open day. She got a deal to stock wax melts and Mario was supposed to work on a separate project with them. There was one attempt to sell his wax melts (a black orchid dupe) but they were not restocked. Later he states he said no to the deal because he couldn’t cope with the “fame” and so forth, but it is speculated that they must have backed oot. No doubt saw his behaviour on Instagram and decided not to work with him. Ranting, swearing and calling people cunts.
Show storage - bought to store his many pairs of trainers. A while later he got rid when he decorated the bedroom.
Spending - During lockdoon needs his bank card taken away and his Amazon & eBay account closed doon.
Swearing - believes his hunners ov followers like him swearing, especially the word cunt. If ya donna like it then unfollow, he loves a gid swearword, na ma quote.
Swearing - Every other word in this video while walking to work. Then again while talking shite.
Swearing - Posted saying he dosna like the song ‘’The Bodyshop’’ by Sam Smith, he then came on later whining and swearing like a trooper saying it was his opinion, his page.
Swearing - his niece watches his stories, so he proceeds to swear.
Adele - Watching Adele, is he on something?
DMs - Moaned and groaned about IG, so turned his DMs off.
Valens day - Valens day or Valance Day (Valentine's Day) Cannae say it and dosnae do it. But here he does. Anyway, 2022 did a collab with AvaMay to give away some stuff.

Birthday OMG

38th birthday - Received Jo Malone perfume, a reed diffuser and a few candles, to go with the tons he is hawking with Ava. Also got a huge mirra from DanYell. Stayed in the swanky Glasgow Dakota hotel with Derek & Hannah but dinna eat in the restaurant, went to a less pricey joint at the amoremerchantcity and was back in beed by 10. The day after ''H'' got a flat tyre so Deek decided to feek oof and get a train hame, but they bet him back lol. That night he had a gang of his female IG heavies visit and after getting pished they ransacked his kitchen cupboards. Thread 42 for the laugh. Was this hung up? Brought hame the hotel sleepers. Highlights to watch. and Party time.
39th Birthday - Wore the same shirt as last year. He had nay plans but then Deek got the runs so Mario had a crappy dinner for one. He spent his birthday money on moor crap though. Bizarrely, nay shoutoots from his besties or family members only some random instahuns etc.
40th birthday - He wanted no fuss but let the birthday weekend commence.
Thursday 25/08 - received some floowers from Misfit Jaw, Deek has forked oot for an afternoon tea at Tigerlilys in Edinburgh to be taken some time.
Friday - received some mare floowers from his 'clients'. Aftar work he went far a lash lift. His fake tan went wrang but it's sorted the noo and he burnt a top he was ta wear.
Saturday - went far a haircut. Got a new top. His stray tan is the noo okay. Chill time with some Asti - boujee. Mare floowers. Got ready - most of Tattle agreed he looked okay. Oot with his fam, Krystal Chandelier baked him a huge cake and they celebrated at Trattoria Genova. Reel on IG saying he is 40 and fabulous, a day early.
Birthday day 27/08 - He reposted all of his huns birthday messages, floowers from his ''mates'' at carpetkerr. Then Edinburgh beckoned. the Tigetlily afternoon tea with a drink, another drink at Harvey Nichols and then back in Glasgie far another drink at Amore Merchant City along with a meal. A very late IG post from his mate Soph.
Then to top the day off - na ma quote - he practically self-combusted when he received some crappy floowers oof 'Our Soph' - all she did was wire the money and his mammy's floower shop made them up.
41st birthday - A reel of him putting candles on a small crap cake then making a wish. Reposts from the usual suspects, blister, H, Gobby and Misfit. however, Deek has done gouurd, bought him a ''real goldtone'' bracelet by Vivienne Westwood, price unknown but piccy of one here. Beaverbrooks. Later that evening afternoon they ended up at Il Pavone for some fine dining and a couple of drinky poos. Back in bed at 8pm talking aboot Christmas and nay mare annual leave the noo. Come Wednesday morn he deleted all his stories.
His blister calls him Marma.

Annual leave week. 40th birthday
Monday. 28/08 - He made a reel montage of his day, posting it at 7:30 am. Showed oof his personalised ''Maz'' bottle of Jo Malone perfume that he had purchased with some of his birthday money. Spoons breakfast with his sister-in-law and a prezzie.
Tuesday 29/08 - Put on his Milton Brown - na ma quote. Gobby Rendal sent him some criss from Amazon and colouring books with pens.
Wednesday 30/08 - He's after some Barbie perfume and got some Halloween stuff. But he is no fan of Halloween! Then got some late flowers from AvaMayAromas.
Thursday 31/08 - Has difficulty sleeping. Woke up at 4.44 and blamed it on the Angels. But he's reading a book called 'The Help'' atm.
Friday 01/09 - Hello September Me & my circle. Showed his birthday present of a crochet throw that he said was knitted. Gutted the hoose ready for his visitor. Hannah waz coming. She took him oot ta Moskito far a surprise, while he was dressed like Roy Cropper. His circle pals were there as well. He knew nothing about it. From page 26 thread 107.
Saturday 02/09 - Went oot for brekkie. Hannah went home back to Mexborough. He was grateful far his huge Stanley water bottle. He's the autumn King but he's waiting befare this bastard heatwave goes befare he puts his up.
Sunday 03/09 - Deek who is never ill had a cold but Maz still had a haul to show us all.
Back to work.
Monday 04/09 - Back ta work but he has a cold the noo. But he moves so he does. He feels horrendous while lying in bed in his Bet Lynch PJs showing oof his hairy legs.
Then nothing until.
Thursday 07/09 - he has the Rona, sobbing in his shower cos it's that bad.

What the hell

Kindness - Incorporates a diamond emoji into his posts etc as he atvacates kindness, but to those that know/knew him, have met him or have DMd him, this is far from the truth.
Wax burners - Has shown thousands over the years, a lot for a tiny flat are around but most are gifted and then not seen again. Asda burner with sticker knockoff Chanel here.
Air diffusers - When showcasing his new Christmas melts/oil he admitted he had them in the kitchen, living room and the bathroom. He then said it was too much.

IG rants - Is constantly slating other Instagrammers' posts or agreeing with them.
Agreed with another that children shouldn't be on SM and he never posts his nieces but forgot to mention that he has posted his niece in the past, The best bit is no tags for Hinch and Solomon. Incidentally, he is off to visit Hinch soon so will he tell her then?
He was triggered that videos of when pets have died are posted on the gram.
Haircut - Always claimed he cuts his oon hair, yes we do believe him. Then he went to the barber shop and came back even worse.
At primary school - former schoolmate @msitm showed a piccy of his normal haircut.

21 Jul 2021 - Embracing the heat then the same day moaning about it.
24 Dec 2021 - Went oot for some posh nosh, stood ootside waiting to go in (but didna tell the restaurant that they were there), after a while the reservation time had passed so Mario sent lil' Deek in to enquire as others were going in before them. Nay seats available the noo, got the deposit chucked back at them apparently, They went oof home and got a takeaway. Dots of doom to retell this adventure.
29 Dec 2021 - After buying toosands of candy cane shite over the year he then declared that he had hated it all. He had struggled. it was all a lie and it was all for the gram. Goodbye, 2021.
For Autumn 2022 - He Is now buying loads of tat for Autumn even though on July 29th he stated he isn't going to try and buy any. Today 06/08 he has reframed (no ma quote) himself and only got 2 items. We will be treatit to this joy and the others that are on order later as a countdown has now started.
30 July 2022 - The day after the above he then started bleating on about Xmas vibes.
09 Aug 2022 - During another heatwave, he has noo bought some Xmas tat. A story later that neet of him swearing and moaning about the heat while laid in his bed with the duvet oon.
12 Aug 2022 - The reveal of his Autumn haul is on hold the noo. He's a bastard, living his life as it's noo the weekend plus he's melting like the wicked witch of the west. Moaning then moaning some more while he went to work (part-time). Later on, he was having the best day ever - in his brother's garden. (Tattle suspects a weekly cash-in-hand cleaning job).
13 Aug 2022 - Not privy to his superb weekend oot as no pics but posted he was in bed by 8 pm, watching Elvis and bitching that he'd bought loads moor tat and he can spend his petty cash oon what he likes. capesh (na ma quote)
Autumn 2022 haul reveal - Moor cushion covers. moor bed covers, moor throws, moor wax melters, moor cups, candles etc all shoved behind the concrete Danyell #gifted sofa. He has reframed himself this year, last year he was in a bad place but this year he is fine so likes to shop the noo.
21/08/22 - Autumn has arrived. The Hobbit of Beirut has decided it is time. He can and he will.
02/09/22 - Pretty Little Home haul – more tat in the hoose.
03/09/22 - Bought his 1st Christmas present. He’s being sensible though.
07/09/22 - Can't wait for Christmas to buy more.
27/09/22 - States on a video he doesna have a red throw so treatit himself to one for his candy cane bedding. Well on his grid he has had 4, where are they noo. 1 and 2, and 3 and 4.
28/10/22 - His Halloween, not Halloween but Autumn decs are coming doon and his Candy Cane Lame tat is a gonna go up, but he may not reveal it yet, so aye.
29/10/22 - An illiterate and incomprehensible post. IG pressure is real, he gets it! He controls his social experience.
24/12/22 - Can't stay away from the app he detests. Christmas Eve see you all after the New Year. Less than 48 hrs later...

Space - He is rather confused about space, it trips his mind, how does the earth float, do things live on other planets etc. It keeps him awake.
A sign - Proclaimed that a song called ‘Daydream’ is a sign for him to go oot of his comfort zone this year. Even though the wally had searched for it.
AvaMayAromas - Announced to the world that he'd known for months that his bestie Hannah Chapman's business was in administration (her bf/supplier bought her out and heroically saved the day) but the bawbag felt the need to talk about it before she had revealed it on her IG.
Belched - while filming his morning show of the gutted bedsit, the moron belched on camera.
Besties - Believes he is besties with AvaMay Aromas owner Hannah and refers to her as ‘H', as well as Mrs Hinch and he calls her 'Soph'.
Bumming fort - Set up a 'cosy area' for himself and Deek consisting of a single duvet oan the sofa minus any bed linen. Tattle has affectionately nicknamed this 'the Bumming fort' following speculation on its true purpose.
Caff food - Eats anaemic/burnt fried breakfasts at their local caff. (Penjooooolum).
Cash - Posted that Derek had given him some petty cash to go and spend on some Autumn tat that he isn't buying this year.
Chandelier - New lounge light fitting Dec 2019.
Christmas Eve boxes - Makes himself and Deek a box each containing PJs that were too small for them, believe bells etc. He purchased boxes in Nov 2020 but opened up different ones on the day...
Christmas - Dosna like that we wains don't believe in Santa, let them find oot in their oon time.
Clutter - Hates clutter. However, he had so much tat on his worktop it was heaving. Golden oldies were his bespoke cereal dispensers which disappeared and his
Tea/coffee station - Over the years has had a lot of drinks stations, mind you he dosna follow trends (see 1).
1 - A drink station which got wet when his boiler burst discarded.
2 - Another one seen elsewhere in the kitchen
3 - Deek bought him a hot chocolate bar in Sept 2022.
4 - A brown round one which is in the picture above.
5 - His 2023 new white round one that took 6 months to plan.
Frothers - 29 Nov 2020 got a Swan frother but it broke apparently, then on 12 Jan treatit themsens to a Hotel Chocolat velvetiser. Showed it aaf 16/01/22, but it hasn't been seen since. Just like his Ninja.
Coffee machine - This is just for Deeks's coffee pods as I Mario dosna like coffee.
Kenny - After Mario had told his followers that he had taken 6 months to plan a tea/coffee station Kenny started leaving messages, these got swiftly deleted and Kenny blocked lol.
Crap behind his door - During his 38th birthday party, his coos rummaged through his kitchen cupboards. Their videos highlighted the crap being his door that he never shows.
Conversations - On the way to work – 8 Jun 2021. Do they exist, maybe, but it seems he recycles his stories. Bus stop conversation 16 Nov 2020 with an old lady and then on 20 Jan 2022 an old lady stopped to talk to him at the bus stop. The point is he has said previously that he walks to work. If true he's a bus stop old lady magnet.
Crossing the road 2019 - After he nearly got mowed doon - but then went to B & M - he recalled how his Aunt got hit by a car, which makes him terrified to cross the road, so he either has Derek to help or he goes the long way around. But he often films himself walking to work etc, which means he has to cross numerous roads on his own!
Diamond - Regularly overuses the diamond emoji so aye.
Diet - Claimed he had lost his appetite when he had Covid. It then returned and this is an example of a week's worth of food.
Easter 2020 - Bought Derek two Creme eggs for his birthday, and then ate one himself. Even though he dissna like chocolate.
Easter 2021 - admitted that Easter is for bains so dissna do it.
Halloween - Dissna do Halloween but will decorate the flat in Autumn colours with pumpkins everywhere and watches Halloween filems in cosy pj's so aye.
Febreze - Was gifted a personalised crystal-encrusted Febreze bottle, hailing it "stunning", "gorgeous" and "to die for" and it was never seen again. Newspaper article.
Frame - Showed a frame containing the lyrics to "I wanna dance with somebody" by Whitney Houston. It included spelling mistakes and totally made-up words.
Friends - Has made good friends with people off IG. Laura and Gemma for example.
Gay - Got a hun post saying that his videos gave his friend confidence to come out as gay to his family/friends.
Gucci - Melvin's parents bought Deek some Gucci trainers for Christmas 2019 - fake fake fake.
Gucci - Forgot his brother had purchased him some sunglasses and he found them under his bed. Fake.
Hooker shoes - For Christmas 2019 bought his ma 2 pairs of shoes at £5 a pair, bargain. Tattles christened them ''hooker shoes''.
Hoosecoat - Sits and does his videos in his housecoat aka a dressing gown, pulled up to his neck making him look like an old man. (often to hide his work polo shirt so as not to give away where he works, albeit aw the lovelies know he cleans the polis office)
Hotel break - 10 July 2021. Booked into a hotel doon the road so he could use his bath bombs. Nay only jessing or am I? He stayed the night at the Crowne Plaza in Glasgow and he did indeed take his Rose Wonderland AvaMay bath bombs. Later oon he gut a poorly from his shoes. Never trust new Zara shoes so aye. He was sorry to all his fans that had to whitness - na ma quote - him hopping.
Job offers - In 2020 after he was made redundant from Debenhams he said he'd had 2 interviews and 6 job offers, and then went to work as a cleaner in the Polis offices, which is his dream job.
Marion & Finance - Was called Marion (on the video description) in a newspaper article. Was it a mistake? The same newspaper also refers to Derek as his 'finance' which we believe to be accurate. lol.
Money worries - 10 March 2022, Inflation has increased. He complained about Rayn's cat food rising from £80 to £95 a month. Got hundreds of DM’s but he foresaw it. He claimed that he was able to spend as he wished due to the fact he was tight with money but also had savings and a nest egg, so he then proceeded to give tips on saving money. If it continues then Onlyfans is an option it seems.
Old Boat - Hinch went oot and posted a pic of her standing in a coffin. Mario responded with a comment that he thought it was an old boat, Hinch also didn't realise what it was. The buffoons.
Oof his page - insists that he now keeps Derek off his page to protect him as people are arseholes. If he is targeted then that's ok.
Why then on the same day post a picture of Derek napping? Also, his highlights are full of Derek, should they be removed now?
Derek is still been shown as his content is dire. 5/08/22. 06/08/22. 06/08/22
Oof limits/privacy - Claims his family are off-limits to the internet but posted a picture of his dad in the hospital, told the world when his parents paid off their mortgage, shows off his sister's care home conservatory & garden, his brother’s house and his niece's at dance class. Despite this, he will happily post about Derek's nephews.
Naked - Deek naked from the top!
Placement - For some reason has his kettle and toaster plonked in the middle of the worktop.
Kettle - Descaling his kettle when Scotland has soft water. Maybe he has to but maybe he is a sheep and following all the other Instatwats.
Products - Despite being able to hand count the number of hairs on his head Mario spends an inordinate sum of money on hair products and devices, most notably a Dyson hairdryer to replace his (in perfect working order) GHD hairdryer,GHD straighteners and Olaplex (or Oplex as he calls it).
Rambles on - Said videos are often miles long, very rambling and don't get to the point.
Remain youthful - doesn't sunbathe, sits in the shade. Pic of Derek on this app again.
Selfies - was asked if he would sell signed piccies signed, nay but he does like selfies.
Skims - Wanted a discount code for skims.
Sofas - Is constantly getting new sofas, most are gifted from DanYell as the lazy bastard cannae afford to purchase that many. 2018 is the OG, then 2020. 2021. 2023 and 2024. Wiki page 2 has all the deets.
Small business saviour - Advocates for supporting small businesses, but spends most regularly in Primark, B&M, Home Bargains, The Range, and Amazon.
31/07/22 - he's made lots of money for businesses by putting them on his page.
Smart meter - Has an issue with his pre-paid smart meter. Didna have any problems for 8 years with his previous meters until they were swapped over (even though he was not living in the property then). But aww, bless his heart, now he has to top up regularly. Dissna understand why?
Heating on - While the country is stressing about the cost of living increases regarding food and energy etc, this muppet is still living the high life of constantly buying tat and eating out. he has stated his heating is always roasting during winter. Read the room.
Sophisticated - Believes he is highly sophisticated so eats a cheese board that doesn't contain any real cheese only processed meat & pickles and gets high tea afternoon tea which consists of a few dried-up sandwiches, cakes and loads of crisps.
Shout-out - Screenshot a post from a fan showing a framed message asking for a shout-out, to which Mario had replied with a no as he was at work. Surely a wind-up.
Still Game live 2019 - received tickets for the show at the SSE HYDRO @Stephaninnie said they sat in the wrong seats, nearer to the stage than they had got, didn't let on that they were freebies though.
Smoker - Is he or isn't he? Apparently not but he did social smoke when oot drinking decades ago. His ciggie of choice was a Menthol one. Ugghh. However, if he were a smoker he'd like a ring holder like in tha filems.
Stitches - Trigger warning for those of a sensitive deposition. He posted that he'd sustained an injury, a tiny but deep cut to his finger and it need stitches. Only a paper cut by the looks. Big baby. Later that evening while tucked up in his 2.5 tog duvet (as it's hot the noo) he said he'd had fun working at his place peace with his hand (na my quote). Also moaned about hating sweaty nickers (again na my quote)
Stoma - He was oof oot for the night and his stoma was in knots - I believe he meant stomach.
TV - Watches Irish TV channels.
Tress - Mario's bespoke word for the plural of trees, he wants to do 2 ''tress'' for Christmas, side by side.
Uplifting - During the stressful times of Covid, he tried to bring joy to the nation by being funny. ''I truly believe we will all come through this on the other side.''
Wi-Fi - Framed his wi-fi password for his guests. and popped it onto his hall wall. (he never has any guests).
IG Logo - Spent some moor money on moor tat - ''Always a good reminder to'' - what? purchased off Etsy a wooden IG logo!
Whitney Houston - An incoherent post all about Whitney and her death.

Dramas which amuse

Dryergate - A boujie detailed explanation so aye. He was raging.

Hinch grief leave - His mate Soph lost her dad on 25/04/24.
11/06/24 he posted that IG was not the same without her, all messages sent to Mario he passed onto her. Love you doll. Tattle thought this was highly inappropriate while she was oof line. The morning after he posted again, this time talking about his post from yesterday, slapping his lips together, sprouting she was sorely missed and hopefully she will return.
30/08/24 - received unexpectedly at his door, that you have to buzz through, a hamper of Hinch crap - a hat, scaft, blanket, mug. Cosy season.
Anyhoo Hinch has another laundry collection released.
04/09/24 - received some Hinch laundry crap and did an #ad with tags.
07/09/24 - leaving messages on her 2 reels, nay responses and nay reposting of his ad even though she did for lesser grammers.
08/09/24 - he did another tag of her products with a rarely done cleaning video.
Nay birthday IG greetings/card/gift this year.
11/09/24 - posted that today was the day he cuts out all things that make him feel negative, Pause and let it go. Then a quote ''I learnt who deserves a seat at my table'' with his comment on it - ''you all know so well''. Tattle speculated this was Hinch related.
17/09/24 - Hinch posted mare huns laundry reels, nay Mario's again lol.
27/09/24 - Hinch finally liked a post of his on her silkie reel.

Katie in Scotland - Dec 2021 - the millionaire 'tend scrubber Mrs Hinch popped in to see her super fan, a disabled teen living in Glasgow.
Mario was getting really excited as he anticipated a visit from Soph, he'd even taken 4 hours gutting the Beirut bedsit that morning.
However, after a no-show from Hinch, he went into a rage, unfollowed the girl, deleted her picture from his grid, then had a wee comma break and went off the app. All was forgiven a day or 2 later as he came back, showing Hinch some love by fawning over her bairns and begging for a hoose coat. Kept his power though.
People on his post then started asking if Hinch had snubbed him so he insinuated lied that his DM’s were not working and there were issues. In fact, he had turned them off and so new messages are not allowed.
Katie's mum did leave a cryptic post, aimed at someone. Mario perhaps?
Hinch missed out on some lovely snacks though.
View thread 51 pg 30 then thread 52 for a laugh.
Update - Jan 15th 2023 - A weekend of fun, see Adventures of Mario in LOL - Maz & H went to see the teen he blocked last year. For this, he received a star.
Update - Oct 06th 2023. Sofa Hunch advertised a wax melt that was a collab with Katie. raising funds for cerebral palsy. Mario did not advertise this or acknowledge it at all.

Blind nikita dug. - Once chased by this bespoke breed of dog. He meant Akita. Nobody believes he would know what an Akita looks like anyhow. You can find it on his highlights under “for the laughs”.

Postie - When he answered the door naked to the postman. Rumour has it the postie is still signed off work after this traumatic incident. You can find it on his highlights under “for the laughs”.
Then apparently, a few months later, the postie was on his train. (No original post available, reposted by a hun.)

Rats in the attic aka Smashed in letterbox - Reported scratching noises coming from the loft space above his flat. The cooncil was summoned to inspect (he'd heard it for weeks but had a strop and demanded priority service asap). He went silent on this whole incident before eventually addressing his follower's update requests. Insisted it was squirrels (boujie), Tattlers believe rats (not boujie). Derek even told him there's a person up there to freak him out.
This culminated with his letterbox being smashed in by the cooncil. They'd mistook his hoose for the empty one next door (the neighbour who had secured exclusive loft access hasn't been about for a year allegedly serving at Her Majestys pleasure).
Marion was absolutely raging cos he pays full rent! New locks and keys were provided but he still moaned that he'd lost earnings by having to rush home and that his hoose is unsafe the noo. Thread 4 for a laugh.
21/12/24 - They are back ma loverlies. The rats squirrels are in the loft for winter agin. Been there for 5 weeks, he's getting nay sleep and the bastard cooncil are doing fook all. He cannae harm them cos they are indangered nay ma quote. The cooncil inspector was more interested in his 2 weeks oof, so was escorted oot. oh nay he wasn't. He still loves his safe space but the whole block needs demolition agin nay ma quote. It's the money pit of living.

Rayn - In the days before the cleaning God was discovered on here, baby gurul Rayn, bless her cotton socks, once jumped out of the window to run away from Mario. He spent 'ooors and ooors' walking the streets crying & screaming Raaaaaaayyynnn!!! At the top of his lungs She is now trapped in the bedsit of doo alongside toousands of wax melts and reed diffusers. Alas, Tattle has no evidence of this so we all must visualise it in oor heeds.

Restaurant wouldnay let them in - 24 Dec 2021. Went oot for some posh nosh, stood ootside waiting to go in (but didna tell the restaurant that they were there), after a while the reservation time had passed so Mario sent lil' Deek in to enquire as others were going in before them. Nay seats available the noo, got the deposit chucked back at them apparently, They went oof home and got a takeaway. Dots of doom to retell this adventure.

Covid

Covid 2022 - 25/06. Deek oot for the count with Covid. Nothing from the scrotum for a few days until 30/06 when he announced he'd caught it as well. Apparently, it's horrendous, what would it be like without the vacations vaccinations, he didn't know you could get this ill.
Then silence again until 02/7 when he re-posted his & the blister's unfiltered pic again, but he's still positive with bad skin and canna eat so aye. However, later on that day he was spotted oot in the supermarket with Deek.
03/07/22 - while still positive he went for a walk but couldn't make it so had a rest on the pavement.

Granny basher - 26/06/22. A Tattle poster said they were in HB shopping with their 84-year-old granny when Maz & Deek (who was supposedly ill with the Rona) rudely barged into them in the aisle. When confronted he waved his fake shitting exemption card at them but then hastily hot-footed it when explicitly told that his followers should duly know that Deek was oot & aboot.

Covid 2023 - Monday 04/09, he was back at work after his big birthday celebrations and his annual leave. Caught Derek's cold so he is no well the noo. That night moaned about it and the heat wave while in bed in his pjs and hairy legs on show.
No posts on Tues but he was liking others posts and commenting on SSS reel.
No show again on Wed but still liking posts.
Thursday He's got the Rona, it was so bad he was sobbing in the shower. then later on he was moaning about the heat and the Rona.
Friday. He'd not looked oot oaf the windy far 4 days, moaning while on the concrete block sofa under a blanket. Deek was getting frustrated with him, he was so emotional and still positive.
Saturday, Still moaning under his blanket, posting pics of Deek, but he will go oot to get some fresh air. Went to the park and got an icecream.

Exempt - During Covid 19 restrictions mask-wearing is recommended in shops & on public transport. Mario was seen wearing a mask & on New Year’s eve, but lately, numerous people have seen Mario & Derek not wearing any, they have also been seen wearing a sunflower lanyard that makes them exempt. During a trip to have his eyebrows done no mask was worn, he was indeed exempt according to the salon. On his IG Mario has not expressed an opinion or reason as to why he is exempt, so we believe he is lying, however, a lanyard is seen on 05/03/2022 and it’s an IBS card. (Shart card in Mario’s case— see aforementioned terrible diet).

G-dsend - Claimed Covid was a g-dsend as it allowed him to become debt-free. videos.

He's a nasty bitch so aye

DM - a follower's BF sent Mario a DM about his haul and Mario replied with a really nasty rant.
DM - and again. Someone mentioned his cheap Primark clothing and the impacts.
Derek - Was really nasty towards Derek for using a bottle of Jo Malone hand wash which was only for guests & for show. Also, he moans at Derek for no reason. #freeDerek.
Fanny - Singing the Christmas Coca-Cola ad and then calling Deek a fanny.
Rayn - Called Rayn a wee bitch for no reason other than he's a dick, however, stated later it was banter. #freeRayn.
Rayn 2019 - Moaning about Rayn who has been ill during the night. She's greedy and will be the death of him.
Catnip. Johnny gifted Rayn some catnip toys for Christmas. Mario was having none of it cos Rayn went mental over the catnip. 'They'll be somebody oot there goes you don't give catnip to cats', his response ''fuck off''.
03/10/22 - Alluded that Rayn had pilfered some kitty food he waz gifting away to some shelter for homeless pussies and hounds. The fly cat - na ma quote - had been scoffing it for 4 days and Mazza didna notice until she started sharting all over the bedsit, so aye. He waz fumming - na ma quote agin - she's gitting na mare treatits the noo.
Cleaners - Sept 2020. Mario was disparaging about cleaners, calling them "dirty scrubbers". Then in a response to a message from a fan saying their mother is a cleaner, he was rather rude. again.
05/06/21 - Caimed he pretty much single-handedly saved Scotland during the pandemic because he's a cleaner, (one that works for about three hours a day in an office that's not being used much at the moment)
but the noo.
13/01/23 - Cleaners deserve a wage rise, highest risk and are underrated.
10/03/23 - Again claimed cleaners are forgotten, they are extremely needed and underpaid. Bit rich coming from someone who called them ''dirty scrubbers''.
Weather - 17 June 2022. During a heatwave & days of moaning about the heat. Posted that he was wishing for cooler weather. When it finally came to some parts his response was for the South of the UK to ''I hope you sweat your tits off''.
Retail - New Year 2019. Ordered some JD trainers on Boxing Day then had a rant as not arrived, said that if his online order didn't get sorted soon he was going to go in-store and go nuts. At this time he worked in retail so knows the shite workers get from the public.
Twitter - Wrote some nasty things on Twitter. People on the bus. An elderly lady in his shop.
Nasty bitch - Nasty bitch video
The Rage - Derek was taking pictures of a police helicopter circling near their hovel.
Our home - Posted a video stating that someone did live here. Then went to town on a DM comment. Later on, after reading Tattle he tried to backtrack by saying that it could be taken 2 ways, then in bed he was still rabbiting on about him not tolerating pissh anymare.
Hame - Beirut.

CV

Mario's CV courtesy of @laynelo_



Derek's CV courtesy of @laynelo_

Mop Kick

Teeth

So aye…. treatit yourselves and go and watch his highlights! Is he a parody or not? That’s always up for debate. But there's nae debates oan ma page.

Back to his threads