I’m going back after my 2nd baby in March. I am feeling the same as you - but also I am excited to get back to a normal routine and earning money again. Maternity leave isn’t real life and it’s important to get back to some level of normality. Also I remember from my first baby, the lead up to the return was worrying, but as soon as I was back it was fine. Things are rarely as bad as we think they will be!