I will try the TLDR, I'm working with an ancient phone and, it's my first so feel free to correct or add to.
Our Sophie started the pandemic by rushing to the airport and taking a plane to hibernate with the oil and gas industry worker, Jimmmay - and his family. They were all apparently simply thrilled to see her, and she has mentioned (oddly gleefully) in a podcast that his best mate really doesnt like her due to her stealing Jimmay away. But she gives zero fucks because it's love and that's just what happens.
We also learn she doesn't allow herself to eat bread and Jimmay likes to eat a loaf if bread a day. Morr complaints that as a 5'3 30 (well 29) year old woman can't eat as much as a 26 year old 6'2 ish man.
Jimmy decided to return to work in Australia he drove a bawling Sophie to the airport to return to Blighty. She took on a motherly role and informed her uk viewers that the Australian system needed to be changed as jimmay didn't like his quarantine stint.
Que the deafening silence.
No one cared, thousands were dying but sophie knew best. She reminded us she has two degrees. Two! Neither in virology but...
Lockdown meant our girl had to bleach her own barnet, stick on her own nails, tape in her own extensions, dye / lamenate her own brows and most crutially of all learn to do her own lash extensions. Lots of tagging of lashify to try for freebies but no dice, so she had to buy them. Probably with a press discount.
Jimmy arrived for a few weeks as naturally now was a great time for taking unnecessary flights. They had a bbq and we learnt Jimmy didn't know the word for 'tongs' referring to them a bbq tweezers. Jimmy then left for mysterious oil and gas work.
Sophie started hunting for s designer puppy like her idol molly mae. Couldn't get a rescue dog - ewwww. Demands viewer stop asking her about rescuing a dog aa she wants a designer one, a cute one. You gotta pay for the best, like with everything in her life appearance is paramount.
Hendrix is collected following a day trip driving up north somewhere mysterious while she spread her viral load about. It transpires the new emotional crutch is a tiny designer pom. Of course!
Financially tightening her belt under the glare of the pandemic Sophie has bought 3 new beds recently. Flogging the monstrous pink number and a rather dirty beige creation on instagram to deluded viewers who don't seem to mind paying almost full retail price for a second hand bed, she bought with a press discount.
She has also treated herself too, sorry invested in, the following;
1. A fancy digital sage coffee maker despite regular starbucks visits and oh already having the a fully working sage coffee maker, that jimmay lugged over from his home. Just not fancy enough guys, but you can buy it if you want just DM her. It's fancy enough for her viewers just not good enough for her.
2. A new flatscreen Samsung with a painting screen saver, as turning the thing off is bad for saving the environment.
3. A new desk with pillars resembling those at the Coliseum.
A new tv unit (fret not the stained old one is being sold on instagram, she isn't going to clean it but after fiving her £100 you might be able to try getting the stains out yourself, but she's unsure)
4. New Chanel bags,
5. Chanel double C earrings
6. Chanel tights, both genuine and ewww, the ugly fakes that non serious fashion people buy.
7. Prada ugly trainers
8. A white mini
9. A designer pomeranian puppy, saddled with the name Hendrix.
10. New teeths
12. More facial fillers
11. A new iphone
12. New mac desktop
13. A new flat, she hasn't revealed if she is renting or buying, but the landlady has refused to let her out of contract (cackles) so sophie is trying to get someone to take over her lease by begging in instagram. I'm sensing a pattern here. Anyway, the important thing is she will now be able to take selfies in the lift.
Viewers apparently message her loads to ask how she affords all this. I work hard obviously she titters. Urmmm, junior doctors, teachers, delivery drivers work hard love. What people are clearly asking is how is her job so lucrative. She pretends to not to understand the premise of the question.
She took a flight to Greece with a mate, they spent most of the time lying at the pool or at the beach bar eating and drinking while posing up a storm. Honestly since it was a billion degrees in London this summer I'm not sure why she bothered. She didn't seem to leave the hotel. Puppy 'Henny' was dispatched to her parents, after many complaints of his crying through the night our girl needed that break. Needed!
Returned to London and alas it is too hot. Begged for free air bnb or hotels with air con where she could stay with Henny. Lucked out, got a freebie but didn't show it. The rest of London was left in a puddle of sweat.
Complained her friends weren't checking in on her enough. Check in on your single friends living alone she urged. Then reminded viewers she wasn't single, she has a boyfriend! But she is alone.
Reveals a love of reality tv (shocker) but reminds us again of how intelligent she is. Only took her 6 months to read Snowing
In Bali, well it is akin to War and Peace.
Lots of insta posts in her undercrackers. Designer mainly, and m still ugly af, but a few spon lounge posts thrown in. Viewers complain her grid isn't fashion anymore - but they are wrong! Our girl has TWO degrees, and she knows what she is talking about. It is perfectly acceptable, nay it is STYLISH to wear an oversized blazer and bra to go about your day.
Faberletics leggings posts were a go go! All she wears apparently as there is space for an iPhone in the pocket and when you're working out your phone can be gently radiating your thigh the entire time. Note that these leggings haven't been seen since.
A few insincere comments about boycotting topshop and reformation over their terrible stance over black lives matter. Links to where viewers can donate, while not donating herself. Topshop links are back within a month and the reformation clothes never left.
Despite living in London she failed to attend any of the BLM marches. She cares though, just not very much apparently.
Call out to her favourite delivery driver to return to work. The new one won't give her special treatment, she requires the old one back. Spread the word!
Her parents drove down when lockdown eased to help Sophie tidy before oil and gas man Jimmy arrives. Nothing like making your older parents drive for hours before putting them to work in the blistering heat. Seems like she was planning on moving flats back then so trying to deep clean the pit early.
Jimmy is delayed...uh oh. But last time he promised to move in and left his playstation as a sign of commitment. FRET NOT VIEWERS!
Jimmy arrives! He seems thrilled to be there, but he's there. Not sure if he plans on staying as he appears to only have packed shorts and boxers. Sophie gets him a superdry deal for Christmas while reminding us, and in fairness him, that he owes her a flight to somewhere hot asap. We learm Hendrix is apparently no longer welcome for free stays at Mama Milners.
Black Friday ads - lots of pll, misguided, nastygal and boohoo. We learn she us a size x s and can squeeze into a size 25 jean as long she doesn't try to sit down. She reminds us she is very tiny and wonders why more viewers dont comment on it. Shoutout to her favourite instagram second hand Chanel seller - probably in exchange for a hefty discount. A new Chanel beige bag appears. Then the tights Then the earrings.
All of this will be repeated for Christmas but none of it will be worn by her after the ads. But, we should buy it - using her links.
We learn she can't apply make up as she tries to flog her viewers Charlotte Tilbury sets. Apparently cruelty free make up (nude by nature) is so last year, and 2020 is the year to treat yourselves to lipstick sets and mascaras that has been smeared on a bunnys shaved skin and dropped in it's eyes while it sits in a cage to small to turn itself around - swipe up! Swipe up nowwwww.
We have been urged to drop £600 - 800 on one of her giant mirrors throughout the black Friday weekend. Look, here's the link, swipe up! It will be great in your shared house, might cost as much as your deposit did but sooo goood for selfies.
Christmas content! More complaints, good to know she is keeping her viewers spirits upin these uncertain times.
More cheap clothes to swipe up for and, we learn of her love of brussel sprouts.
Hendrix now pees and poos on the carpet, but she's moving out soon so duck it she doesnt care, oh but if you the viewer want to take over her lease send a DM asap so she doesnt have to carry on paying herself. Stained carpets included for free!
December has also seen 'joke' proposals of marriage from Sophie and jokey insta stories about maybe having a baby.
Uh oh.
Best blogger mate Gemma revealed the worst kept secret, sophie has breast implants! Hurrah!
(Thanks Gemma will keep watching your stories)