Thanks for the new thread
@screenfreelookatme Great job bestie. Sorry to hear you missed out on those Christmas pyjamas. Awesome title, Me! You’re also my bestie and I would gladly let you take selfies in the toilet with my newborn. Just please close the lid next time.
On this week’s recrap:
Welcome to the rebirth era! Like fish and chips, revenge is a dish served wrapped up in newspaper. Tickets from Terminal 5 tried unsuccessfully to milk the breakup by showing off in the tabloids that she has moved on.
In an effort to prove how seckshul she is, one of the headline opportunities was to be snapped outside Sexyland. Weekly Wednesday paparazzi photos seem to be ol’ Soph’s new bizness venture. Remember what your nana said about playing with yourself makes you go blind? Trailblazer Soph bucked that theory and has now miraculously shed her glasses in her effort to get hot. Oh, and shed eating. Let’s casually celebrate that even though our ex had an ED and we know it’s bad but how good is it to be hot for summer?
Short on a collab narrative for her mirrors, we were lead to believe she does housework and changes her PA’s bedding when she cleans. Dangerously, the PA risks 7 years of bad luck with every head banging sesh. Soph couldn’t resist highlighting how it makes her horny. We now all understand why she has a housekeeper. It would be incredibly awkward explaining to visitors why she doesn’t need a bucket to mop.
We’re so proud at how quickly she’s bounced back from her heartache. Turns out Alannah wasn’t though and a swift C&D was issued to any media outlet who dared sully her good name with rekindle goss. Someone needs to fire their social media girl. Totally bipolar, like the weather in Melbourne. Goes to prove her love was as deep as a puddle and all that nurturing, understanding and relatability means sweet FA to all her exes. BTW, in case you missed it, she’s horny.
Sadly, she was unable to attend her brother in law’s birthday due to (probably) not being invited and had to come up with a counter-plan with a new bestie. Can’t wait to find out which young athletes she’s going to
overpower empower and inspire this time. Be you, not carbon copies of your next partner Sophia. All the photoshop, fat freezing, frail-baiting and new wardrobe isn’t fooling us!
Sadly, unable to accept an invitation to appear on the current season of Survivor as a villain, Soph shacked up at Sydney’s discount accom chain, Holiday Inn for some horny alone time. Something is afoot. We
just don’t care what can’t wait to finally feel jealous in 2022.
We’re about to find out AGAIN what happens when an ill-conceived premise leads to even more jaw-droppingly misguided execution. *cough* book tour *cough* Will she be laughing all the way to the bank? Is there someone in that bank who can lock her inside a safety-deposit vault and throw away the key?
It was a happy ending anyway. She rushed home to see her babies. As the pilot lowered the landing gear, she tumbled out and landed gracefully in the pool. Like the rest of us housewives, Caitlin was delighted to hand back the kids to the other parent and is looking forward to some me time this weekend.
Now, excuse me while I go make out with my calla lily. Until now, rooting a plant was something I’d only done with weeds. Her hornbagness has rubbed off on me.
