Niomi Smart #80 Charging for articles sounding like ChatGPT, she's no morals, conscience or husband to be

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Jelly Bean

Jelly Bean

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Thanks to @curiouscat106 for thread title suggestion (v slightly amended to fit). And thank you for your beautiful comment 🙏 🥰

But plot twist. Expert Tattle sleuthing has uncovered Niomi has probably gone back THERE. She's almost certainly been to South Africa to visit entrepreneur 🤭 handstand practitioner, pasta swerver and toothy former 'my love' Jamie White.
Now she is Goa doing a yoga teaching course. Here she is being tranquil.

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Previously she had been floating around London laughing at pesky tourists, not doing anything on her substack apart from writing things using ChatGPT and discovering ART.
 
I've never done a yoga retreat or teacher training course myself but you best believe if they were to write to me after I've booked it to ask me to make sure to bring an all-white outfit for one picture, I'd be asking for my money back and cancelling. What sort of influencer-ish BS is that?
Also, these people with her strike me as pretty normal-looking. Quite distant from her usual band of skinny leisurewear blondes in matching pastel Vuori leggings (no shade on the brand itself, I bought one of their sweatpants early pandemic and I live in them they are so comfy - I hate how expensive they are and that they send Niomi free stuff, though). She must hate that retreat for both the aesthetics of it (she likes people who look like her and thus like they are living for social media) and the conversation, which will surely will revolve around something else than which protein powder to add to a smoothie bowl and how to fill up your empty days with hidden coffee shops...
 
Oh gosh just went to that profile of the yoga teaching group. She was filmed and she is just fake smiling and being stiff AF. Niomi will be so out of her zone of aesthetic photos (that she wants to do for sure ) because people actually came there to learn. Plus no c*ck doodles and other bullshit....
 
Sorry but this yoga thing seems like it's a glorified summer camp for adults. Maybe it's just me, but It just seems so unappealing to be stuck with a bunch of strangers 24/7. Do they have things like a curfew and meal times? Do they have roommates? Idk, I personally wouldn't want to pay a premium to be infantilized like that.

Who even has the time for this? It seems like a magnet for a bunch of unemployed people with no responsibilities, who need a lot of attention, and want a quick ego boost.

Edit to add: What's even the POINT of going to India, if she's just going to be with these people (who are all tourists, like her) the whole time? I'd rather take a vacation and actually SEE INDIA. She's already certified, too, so it's such a waste of time and money! 🙄
 
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Someone asked how I found the plan reg, it’s pretty clear when you take a screen shot and then zoom in, WBI.

I simply typed that into Google with “British airways” and the plane with its flight routes came up straight away.

Dims underestimates us.
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Jelly Bean said:
Thanks to @curiouscat106 for thread title suggestion (v slightly amended to fit). And thank you for your beautiful comment 🙏 🥰

But plot twist. Expert Tattle sleuthing has uncovered Niomi has probably gone back THERE. She's almost certainly been to South Africa to visit entrepreneur 🤭 handstand practitioner, pasta swerver and toothy former 'my love' Jamie White.
Now she is Goa doing a yoga teaching course. Here she is being tranquil.

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Previously she had been floating around London laughing at pesky tourists, not doing anything on her substack apart from writing things using ChatGPT and discovering ART.
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No “star” in sight.

Crossing everything in hopes she hasn’t gone back “there”.

Wonder if they recorded a podcast episode on how they “fell out of love, but love is still there, because love always wins” 😂
 

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Rosie34567-2 said:
Sorry but this yoga thing seems like it's a glorified summer camp for adults. Maybe it's just me, but It just seems so unappealing to be stuck with a bunch of strangers 24/7. Do they have things like a curfew and meal times? Do they have roommates? Idk, I personally wouldn't want to pay a premium to be infantilized like that.

Who even has the time for this? It seems like a magnet for a bunch of unemployed people with no responsibilities, who need a lot of attention, and want a quick ego boost.

Edit to add: What's even the POINT of going to India, if she's just going to be with these people (who are all tourists, like her) the whole time? I'd rather take a vacation and actually SEE INDIA. She's already certified, too, so it's such a waste of time and money! 🙄
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She got her first certificate online, that's a joke considering that yoga is primarily physical exercises. If she really wants to teach others, she cannot have too much training. Niomi never visited a yoga class consistently, she doesn't have a teacher, she hasn't committed to a school of yoga (like Iyengar or Ashtanga). She doesn't even practice daily as far as I know. She is at the very beginning of learning about yoga, let alone being a teacher. This stay was never meant to be a vacation to explore India, she is going purely to take part in this course, as are the others. I don't know about the quality of the school, I looked them up and they are not one of the best or major yoga schools in India. Four weeks for a certificate seems rushed, especially as the students don't seem to be on an advanced level (see the white haired guy recklessly performing dynamic standing poses and falling over, like a schoolboy fooling around doing handstands - except he is in his fifties and crunched his vertebrae when swinging onto his head in an uncontrolled fashion). It takes years of classes and guided training before you are even allowed to begin your Iyengar yoga teacher training for example. So this course is definitely not the most reputable, more like getting a certificate to do nail design when you are already a cosmetologist. But these certificates are enough to be allowed to teach, so what can I say? Not everyone who enjoys a yoga class at their gym is interested in actual yoga. As long as students aren't harmed, I guess it's okay. I just don't see Niomi as a teacher. She is so socially awkward and self-centered at the same time, so unintelligent and uninspired, unable to educate herself and without interest to do so. She is superficial in essence and that just works against her ever being good at anything.
 
Thank you @Jelly Bean for this new thread ❤️

Honoured to have contributed to the title however, following the last few days in the life of Nims, it no longer seems relevant 🤣

Seems she’s given up on the substack (+\- ChatGPT) and there may be wedding yet(!!) as we’re 99.9% certain that she flew to SA last week to reunite with her love, aka Lordon/Donkey/wannabe cult leader Jamie White.

I don’t think any of us predicted THAT particular plot twist. Popcorn at the ready 🍿 and maybe a sick bucket too…
 
Rosie34567-2 said:
Sorry but this yoga thing seems like it's a glorified summer camp for adults. Maybe it's just me, but It just seems so unappealing to be stuck with a bunch of strangers 24/7. Do they have things like a curfew and meal times? Do they have roommates? Idk, I personally wouldn't want to pay a premium to be infantilized like that.
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On the Sampoorna blurb about it they give the timetable including meal times. Starts at 7am which isn't too bad - some other places have 4am starts. The whole place is a big self contained 'village' just off the beach. I think you can either have dorm space, shared rooms or a private villa depending on cost obv. No doubt Dim will have the private one. Not sure about curfew and if you can just bugger off for the day, probably discouraged.
 
She said in her video she was doing this because she wants to start running retreats. Em Sheldon said the same about her PT qualification she's doing. On the one hand I think it's probably a smart move for Niomi to get into events like that in some way as it's probably a more sustainable business than her current no work, but I also can't believe the arrogance? I wouldn't pay to be taught yoga by Niomi even after she's done this course, if she wanted to do a retreat business properly she should pay local proper instructors to do the yoga part and create work opportunities for people who are actually experienced
 
Forced interaction with the plebs…Nimbobs looks like she’s having the time of her life now.
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As for the speculation about this particular school, or how they conduct their classes, this is pretty much standard for any place that offers a YTT. The in-person 200hr certifications are typically about a month long for new teachers, you end up doing at least a couple of classes a day, and there are set curriculums in place (like anatomy, history, how to sequence, etc.). Sampoorna is also recognised by the Yoga Alliance, so credit where it’s due (and yes, I realise how problematic the idea of some governing body of YTT is…this is just in the context of westernized yoga as a business venture). But I agree that it’s difficult to imagine Nims as a teacher, when she could care less about the people around her, especially those who have differing points of view. I’m interested in seeing how she’ll take notes on her teaching from her peers. I’m also surprised that she’s being allowed for film stuff (we were discouraged from using our phones during my YTT), but I’ll guess she’s doing so during her downtime.
 
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AAAAHH new thread! Thank you!
Oh Gosh, that yoga retreat already looks like a nightmare. She'll feel 100% uncomfortable but of course she'll fake the whole thing and be incredibly smug about it.
I do believe she was in SA but I'm praying it was just a closure type of thing or something even if it's unlikely but I can't, FOR MY OWN SAKE, contemplate she's back with that thing. Now we have to wait and see what happens after this course...
 
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