My husbands addicted to THC vape pen help please

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MrsLucas

MrsLucas

VIP Member
Hi all,
I posted about this in the weed addiction page previously but now really looking for some more advice because things are getting much worse. So bit of a back story...I've been with my husband for 20 years, married for 8. I was 14 when I met him, he was 21. When I first met him he often would smoke weed back then it didn't make him angry or aggressive. When I was 16 I fell pregnant with our first daughter and he just stopped smoking it other than the very odd occasion. He was fine for years obviously like every relationship we've had our ups and downs. He's always been a very hard worker and he owns his own successful businesses. We decided together after I had my third daughter in 2022 I wouldn't return to work and I would stay home for the girls. Which at the time I was so happy about and mostly still am but now he's started to throw things back in my face about him being at work all hours often working away. Last year he started taking which I thought was CBD oil to 'calm' him down. Didn't think much of it until may this year he was on our drive doing work and all I could smell was weed and he had a vape pen so obviously the CBD oil was in fact a THC vape😡. I was so angry at him I thought he was too chill most of the time but also so very easily triggered over the smallest things and lose his temper so quickly and be verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Things have gotten worse because he did promise me he would stop but now he saying 'why should I? I'm the one with all the stress I need something at it helps me' 😔. Every time I bring it up we have a massive argument he threatens he's going to leave me and our children and give me no money towards them. He's so cruel to me. I had to call his parents on Sunday to come and get the girls. He's only ok if I don't bring it up or if he's had it in the evenings. The mornings he's at home he's awful it's like walking on egg shells. We've both put a lot of money into our home I don't want to lose it and I don't want to have to get a divorce I just can't see any other way of this stopping. I sent him a message yesterday explaining again how I feel he replied with '🙄'. He got back last night and just gave me the silent treatment when I tried to talk to him he just said 'don't even start' and went off into his office. This morning he was being awful. It's bloody horrible and if anyone can offer me some helpful nonjudgmental advice I'd really appreciate it. Thank you
 
In all honesty I think you need to get out of there, if he isn’t willing to change there isn’t much you can do.

He sounds very abusive and it will only escalate, a house is just bricks and mortar, you can’t put a price on your safety.

If you are able to leave and stay with family I would do it before you end up getting seriously hurt or worse.
 
Monkeymagic85 said:
In all honesty I think you need to get out of there, if he isn’t willing to change there isn’t much you can do.

He sounds very abusive and it will only escalate, a house is just bricks and mortar, you can’t put a price on your safety.

If you are able to leave and stay with family I would do it before you end up getting seriously hurt or worse.
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Thank you...yeah he's defiantly not willing to change he left this afternoon to work away for the rest of the week without saying good bye to me. I can't really stay with family because we live so far away and my girls have school/nursery again next week. It would have to be him that goes to stay with his parents.
 
MrsLucas said:
Thank you...yeah he's defiantly not willing to change he left this afternoon to work away for the rest of the week without saying good bye to me. I can't really stay with family because we live so far away and my girls have school/nursery again next week. It would have to be him that goes to stay with his parents.
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Contact your council, although technically you would be making yourself homeless, due to the risk to your safety, I think they would be obligated to help you, might be worth you talking to your local citizens advice bureau or calling womens aid if there isn’t one local to you.
 
I really don't want to have to go down that route 😔. I know I would keep the house and have the girls with me 99.9% of the time. He returned this evening after working away the past few nights he was fine until I brought up the vape so then same thing again verbal and physical abuse 😔.
 
MrsLucas said:
I really don't want to have to go down that route 😔. I know I would keep the house and have the girls with me 99.9% of the time. He returned this evening after working away the past few nights he was fine until I brought up the vape so then same thing again verbal and physical abuse 😔.
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I know it’s difficult, but things are not going to get better, the violence will escalate, what would happen to your kids if the worst happened to you?

I didn’t grow up in a violent household but it was chaotic, I remember how that felt even from a young age, if you think your oldest is not aware of what’s happening, you’re probably very wrong.

you obviously want help or you wouldn’t have posted, that’s a great first step, please please leave before you get killed
 
Monkeymagic85 said:
I know it’s difficult, but things are not going to get better, the violence will escalate, what would happen to your kids if the worst happened to you?

I didn’t grow up in a violent household but it was chaotic, I remember how that felt even from a young age, if you think your oldest is not aware of what’s happening, you’re probably very wrong.

you obviously want help or you wouldn’t have posted, that’s a great first step, please please leave before you get killed
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My older two defiantly are aware won't go into too much detail but they have obviously seen and heard. My dad used to always beat my mum and also had addiction problems with alcohol mainly. I hate how Ive winded up in a similar situation. I do want to seek professional help but also with him too because I do love him very much but if he's not willing to pull in the right direction then I'm going to get some legal advice.
 
MrsLucas said:
My older two defiantly are aware won't go into too much detail but they have obviously seen and heard. My dad used to always beat my mum and also had addiction problems with alcohol mainly. I hate how Ive winded up in a similar situation. I do want to seek professional help but also with him too because I do love him very much but if he's not willing to pull in the right direction then I'm going to get some legal advice.
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I know I don’t know you, but I’m worried about your safety, I deal wit a lot of ‘bad’ stuff on a daily basis and my alert is going off for you. Please stay safe
 
My relative got sectioned because he smoked weed for absolute decades. In the end he developed psychosis because one day someone sold him THC pen full of some synthesised cannabinoid. He’s now been clean for few months but not allowed to drive.

Your husband absolutely has to want to quit it for himself, as any addict the decision needs to be his. My advice is to call the police if there is any physical abuse or violence at home. sending lots of love ❤️
 
I hope you can convince yourself to get out of this situation instead of trying to get him to change. (I don't judge you for this at all, you were a literal child but he dated a 14 year old when he was 21. You were pregnant at 16 when he was 23. He was always a predator, whether or not he was good to you at some point through the course of your relationship.)

Your current situation sounds dangerous, based on what you're saying he is a threat to you and your children. You all deserve to live in a safe and secure home without worrying about getting hurt. I don't have legal advice as I'm unfamiliar with the UK policies on matters like this, but I'm sure you can find the strength to make the safe choice for yourself and your kids. You cannot force rehab on addicts, going sober is an arduous path even for the most willing. I hope you prioritize your health and well-being before his, you deserve to be safe and happy and you deserve to be with someone who respects, cherishes and protects you.
 
Thank you💖💖. We had a chat last night because I have sought legal advice to do with where i stand with everything because I too have contributed to our family home and everything we have. So I told him very briefly what I got told. He didn't like it he basically said that I was going to break our family up 😳😔. Then later said 'this is always your house I would go if it came to it' I was like not the response I was looking for 😔. With it being so close to Christmas I'm just going to avoid him other than the things we have planned with our children but in the new year I'm seriously considering a divorce.
 
MrsLucas said:
Thank you💖💖. We had a chat last night because I have sought legal advice to do with where i stand with everything because I too have contributed to our family home and everything we have. So I told him very briefly what I got told. He didn't like it he basically said that I was going to break our family up 😳😔. Then later said 'this is always your house I would go if it came to it' I was like not the response I was looking for 😔. With it being so close to Christmas I'm just going to avoid him other than the things we have planned with our children but in the new year I'm seriously considering a divorce.
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Oh lovely I’ve just come across this thread and want to give u a big hug. 🤗🥰
Please find the strength to leave. This will not get any better, he’ll just up the violence.
You say you rang his parents to collect your children. Are they aware of what’s going on? Can u speak to them about it?
 
MrsLucas said:
That is so lovely 😭💖. Thank you so much. I talk to my friends about it but they just don't get it they just see it has 'oh it's only a vape' even when I go into detail 🙁.
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hello, i'm so sorry for what you're going through, and i'm sorry for the very poor advice from your friends. this is not only a vape, this is domestic abuse in your own home, by someone who is supposed to love you. the fact he's a horrible person when his shortcomings re: THC vape are brought up are almost secondary to the fact you're being physically abused.

i'm sorry to be frank, but your husband is an addict, and an abuser. you really need to put your children's needs above your desire to stay in this very dangerous situation.

this is a police issue, a women's aid issue, and a personal safety issue for you. i hope you find the strength to take the steps you need to, to keep you and your children safe.
 
Thought I'd give a little update....although not much has actually changed but a small baby steps been made....he's defiantly cut back on it it's less noticeable but he's still having it😔. He went out on his Christmas night out with all the lads he employs some of which are 19 and tbh I was expecting him to come back at stupid o lock but he got home at 8pm after being out while 10:30 am 😵‍💫. His anger issues are still very much there over the smallest things but he's been much more affectionate. He's supposedly finished work on Friday, other than emergencies so I'm very much on edge about him being around more especially this time of year.
 
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