Hi Demoted Tattlers
I'm back. As you're aware I took a much needed week off. I feel so much better for it. I might start taking a week off every week actually. I told all my followers it was due to compassion fatigue from everything going on in the world right now. It's the negative cost of caring you see. Definitely not the negative cost of Glóby. They're such silly moos, they actually fell for it. I am actually sorry I hurt their feelings though when I called them all stoopy on the last thread. I genuinely already thought they knew they weren't that bright. Anyway, I'm not heartless, I know the pandemic and the BLM movement are important, but these affect lots of people, at least they have each other, like sick people have other sick people and black people have other black people. I only had me after the Glóby global fiasco. I know I have my team of Cawwie and New Girl, but there's still a 'me' in team. They're going to have to start doing my thinking as well as my deleting from now on. I was genuinely worried I had permanent brain damage, but Cawwie still says I'm a clever little chicken. She's the best, but now you're all saying I can't even hug my own staff. I pay them not you. Well they'll just have to kneel or bow to me instead.
Nonetheless, my lovely front porch cheered me up no end. I'm sure you can appreciate all of the creativity and innovation that's gone into it. First impressions when you arrive at the manor are very important. Plus Ali kept telling George to smash his back doors in. I had to keep reminding my husband it's all about the front door now. He just wasn't getting it. And I'm sick of all the attention he's getting about his tripod. It wasn't even funny. I wear heels bigger than his dick. Even flats. He keeps going on about the 'birds and the bees' as well. I don't even want a baby, I didn't even want a cat, or a mother. I'm not a meany moo though so I've allowed him one branch on one tree to hang his nuts. But I get the rest of the bungalow, the grounds, the village, his soul.
I'm a very humble person though. Even in my recent vlog I pretended not to know much about COVID-19. But, as soon as I put a face mask on, BoJo announces they're now going to be mandatory in all public places. I'm not sure why I'm not on the payroll as his sidemanwoman. I've just sent him a quick email with a little suggestion that back mitts should also be made compulsory to all. I'm aware Boris is a busy man, almost as busy as me, so in anticipation, I've reordered the whole stock from the Chinese factory. I wanted it all to arrive tomorrow, but Mr Bosshole only agreed to the day after. I even offered to throw in Lumi, given bats are now off the menu. Talking about menus, have you seen my culinary posts of all my roasties and veg #ad? You all may laugh at their inedibility, but I do it on purpose so we can't eat them duh! How else will I continue to fit into my size 4's?! I already have a massive man-fan horn-dog club, especially after my smexy promo shots, shout out to newcomer John, so I don't even need any porker punchers joining if I did put on weight. Ali wanted to get in on the action too. He called them dicktures. But saying that I've not seen them on the gram yet.
Anyway, talking about appearances, I also used my well-deserved time off to get my botox and filler top ups. No one wants to be a droop doggy dog or have wrinkle chasers after them. Cawwie made my appointment under the name of Cruella De Botox. She's such a good little poppet, she knows how important it is to conceal my true identity and keep it on the down low. This is between you and I though. What goes on outside the bungalow stays outside the bungalow. Cosmetic procedures are still not permitted here in the UK you see, but they make exceptions for CEOs. I'm extremely busy and important as a Glóby founder, courtyard garden designer, and soon to be political advisor, I just don't have the time like I used to, to achieve a natural pillow face. I now only have 19 hours per day spare to lie down. Saying that, I feel another headache coming on. I really need to stop thinking before I talk. New Girl said if there was an apocalypse, and you never know in 2020, I'd be safe as zombies only eat brains. I've nailed the best cheerleader staff member, she has all the sass of a year 7 PE teacher.
Love Lydia (Lover of linen, lisping, lies and lying down)
