Miscanthus
VIP Member
Thank you to all 43 of you for voting for my thread title, edited to fit. 
No preorders required, here is the actual recap.....
Poll results.....thanks to everybody who voted.
* After months of squealing, begging, pouting and wheedling, birthday riddles and crying, the long awaited chickens arrived.
* Was there a fanfare, a big announcement, a show and tell, an 'unboxing'? Nope, niet, nadda, not a cluck. Bearly
a glimpse.
* The sick, bald, underweight, rescue battery hens have already settled in. How did we know? They immediately started laying eggs! It's eggstordinary!
* The super clean eggs magically appeared. We were spared the image of Lidl wafting across the lawn with a basket. Instead we saw her carrying the eggbox @irenemylife gave her across the kitchen!
* We had to wait weeks for "Our New Arrivals" vlog to get a proper look at the healthy, feathered hens, named in a drunken cackle by Lidl. Jemima Puddlehen, Bluebell and Beatrix, were joined shortly afterwards by Snowdrop and another, as yet unnamed, collected by Ali. Not rescue battery hens then Lidl?
* The pen will be surrounded by low box hedging, with climbers trained up the flimsy 5ft chicken wire fence. That'll fox the fox....not!
* Ali was away on a Veuve trip. Lidl couldn't go because of #publishedauthor committments. She also had to look after the hens. She threw food at them and ran away and avoided cleaning them out because it was raining.
* On his return Ali took a break from swiping Grindr to sit on the ground in the hen house. Beats the dog house!
* He was contemplating his future. We can already tell you it involves feeding and mucking out hens!
* Lidl is adding to her cooking repertoire of al dente pasta and thermomix risotto by showing us how she cooks scrambled eggs...in a saucepan...they were runny...
* The hair extensions have "departed" and she's "morning" their loss and "cultivating" her hair with yet another treatment. With your command of English you should write a book, Lidl!
* She was planning to "wean herself off" the extensions but went "cold turkey". Run that past me again...... You were going to remove a few at a time but decided to have them all removed at once? Your hair is not the only thing that's thick!
* Her secret book Eversmug is her "proudest accomplishment to date". It didn't have much competition did it?
* We still haven't seen an actual copy but we already know she has ripped off the cover colour, design and title. It's a pity you didn't rip off good English too, Lidl.
* Evergreens have thicker leaves and are resilient to any storm, she said, fondling a branch of a deciduous tree. Well you seem to have very thin skin and are not over #globygate, #hairgate or #savoygate. Maybe read the "practical advice and tips" your own book?
* Lidl is "helping" a small independent business by naming Jaffé and Neale as distributors of the signed copies of Evermean. Except she spelled their name 'Jaffa and Neal'. Not helping that much then!
* For a signed copy of Everfraud customers have to pay £2.01 extra. That should help pay for a calligraphy lesson.
* She's signed copies of the book but we haven't seen it. Don't tell us she would miss an opportunity to sign them in front of a camera at the antique writing desk?
* She says she's an avid reader. Really? She listens to audio books. She paints books white. She buys antique books and fake books for decoration.
* Please bare (sic) with her, she's a published author "embracing the power of amateur status".
* The best selling author treated herself to a new dress. Maybe a bit premature? Equally premature was the dress, which looked like an explosion in a Christmas wreath workshop.
* She says she doesn't know how she is going to record the audio book. But you told us you are "speaking more clearly and enunciating better now you're older", Lidl.
* Seriously, familiarity with the book's subject matter and vocabulary would help the words flow. Tricky when you didn't write it!
* It seems the Autumn section is going to be a tough read for her. Prepare for fake tears when she reads about her nonno's death and the missing cat.
* The unused Wisteria Room room, complete with lop-sided curtain pole and fugly duvet cover, is being decorated for the umteenth time, the last with Lauren Costly. She's using Cotswold-based interior designers Sims Hilditch, celebrated for their English style. She's picking out fabrics with their "seamstress".
* There will be wallpaper, new paint, a blind, 'decorative' curtains, cushions, bolsters, a tall headboard and bespoke bed. But does the bathroom function?
* Next on the list of room redecoration? Ali's bedroom?
* The utility room will soon be reincarnated as a flower arranging room with the addition of shelves full of containers and a curtain to hide the appliances.
* Lidl is still banging on about her "viral" wedding dress.
* She tried on an Aarvelle dress from Lauren, The l.a.way's clothing line. Best not wear this shape with your linebacker shoulders!
Even the model can't make this look good!
* She wore an Aavelle boater at an inappropriately jaunty angle to Blenheim Palace while Ali wore ginger. The event? The Long Summer Lunch with @thegentsjournal. His gig then.
Who wore it better?
* The MGs stayed at the newly refurbished Grove Hotel, Watford. Back to your old stomping ground, Lidl?
* Lidl went to the Paris Opera Ballet in an ODLR dress. She didn't know the venue (Covent Garden) as she was collected.
* @ Namina and @mmmmmmk discovered the identity of @Rexysmum Hi Chris! How is life down under in your camper van?
Li-ttul Ali in his li-ttul car
In other news:
* Ali was living his best life at the Hotel Royal Evian Resort, Lake Geneva, with Veuve Clicquot, for the Evian Golf Championship.
* He carried a huge empty beach bag and discussed "breathy" fabric. The bag makes you look smaller, Ali, and don't you mean breathable?
* Josie bought a Hermes cardigan for an eye-watering £1360 plus other items. Hermes bag incoming in 3....2....1.....
Screenshots thanks to @Peppypoopar @Catcher_In_The_Lie @Greentrees @BeccaBanana
No preorders required, here is the actual recap.....
Poll results.....thanks to everybody who voted.
* After months of squealing, begging, pouting and wheedling, birthday riddles and crying, the long awaited chickens arrived.
* Was there a fanfare, a big announcement, a show and tell, an 'unboxing'? Nope, niet, nadda, not a cluck. Bearly
a glimpse.* The sick, bald, underweight, rescue battery hens have already settled in. How did we know? They immediately started laying eggs! It's eggstordinary!
* The super clean eggs magically appeared. We were spared the image of Lidl wafting across the lawn with a basket. Instead we saw her carrying the eggbox @irenemylife gave her across the kitchen!
* We had to wait weeks for "Our New Arrivals" vlog to get a proper look at the healthy, feathered hens, named in a drunken cackle by Lidl. Jemima Puddlehen, Bluebell and Beatrix, were joined shortly afterwards by Snowdrop and another, as yet unnamed, collected by Ali. Not rescue battery hens then Lidl?
* The pen will be surrounded by low box hedging, with climbers trained up the flimsy 5ft chicken wire fence. That'll fox the fox....not!
* Ali was away on a Veuve trip. Lidl couldn't go because of #publishedauthor committments. She also had to look after the hens. She threw food at them and ran away and avoided cleaning them out because it was raining.
* On his return Ali took a break from swiping Grindr to sit on the ground in the hen house. Beats the dog house!
* He was contemplating his future. We can already tell you it involves feeding and mucking out hens!
* Lidl is adding to her cooking repertoire of al dente pasta and thermomix risotto by showing us how she cooks scrambled eggs...in a saucepan...they were runny...
* The hair extensions have "departed" and she's "morning" their loss and "cultivating" her hair with yet another treatment. With your command of English you should write a book, Lidl!
* She was planning to "wean herself off" the extensions but went "cold turkey". Run that past me again...... You were going to remove a few at a time but decided to have them all removed at once? Your hair is not the only thing that's thick!
* Her secret book Eversmug is her "proudest accomplishment to date". It didn't have much competition did it?
* We still haven't seen an actual copy but we already know she has ripped off the cover colour, design and title. It's a pity you didn't rip off good English too, Lidl.
* Evergreens have thicker leaves and are resilient to any storm, she said, fondling a branch of a deciduous tree. Well you seem to have very thin skin and are not over #globygate, #hairgate or #savoygate. Maybe read the "practical advice and tips" your own book?
* Lidl is "helping" a small independent business by naming Jaffé and Neale as distributors of the signed copies of Evermean. Except she spelled their name 'Jaffa and Neal'. Not helping that much then!
* For a signed copy of Everfraud customers have to pay £2.01 extra. That should help pay for a calligraphy lesson.
* She's signed copies of the book but we haven't seen it. Don't tell us she would miss an opportunity to sign them in front of a camera at the antique writing desk?
* She says she's an avid reader. Really? She listens to audio books. She paints books white. She buys antique books and fake books for decoration.
* Please bare (sic) with her, she's a published author "embracing the power of amateur status".
* The best selling author treated herself to a new dress. Maybe a bit premature? Equally premature was the dress, which looked like an explosion in a Christmas wreath workshop.
* She says she doesn't know how she is going to record the audio book. But you told us you are "speaking more clearly and enunciating better now you're older", Lidl.
* Seriously, familiarity with the book's subject matter and vocabulary would help the words flow. Tricky when you didn't write it!
* It seems the Autumn section is going to be a tough read for her. Prepare for fake tears when she reads about her nonno's death and the missing cat.
* The unused Wisteria Room room, complete with lop-sided curtain pole and fugly duvet cover, is being decorated for the umteenth time, the last with Lauren Costly. She's using Cotswold-based interior designers Sims Hilditch, celebrated for their English style. She's picking out fabrics with their "seamstress".
* There will be wallpaper, new paint, a blind, 'decorative' curtains, cushions, bolsters, a tall headboard and bespoke bed. But does the bathroom function?
* Next on the list of room redecoration? Ali's bedroom?
* The utility room will soon be reincarnated as a flower arranging room with the addition of shelves full of containers and a curtain to hide the appliances.
* Lidl is still banging on about her "viral" wedding dress.
* She tried on an Aarvelle dress from Lauren, The l.a.way's clothing line. Best not wear this shape with your linebacker shoulders!
Even the model can't make this look good!
* She wore an Aavelle boater at an inappropriately jaunty angle to Blenheim Palace while Ali wore ginger. The event? The Long Summer Lunch with @thegentsjournal. His gig then.
Who wore it better?
* The MGs stayed at the newly refurbished Grove Hotel, Watford. Back to your old stomping ground, Lidl?
* Lidl went to the Paris Opera Ballet in an ODLR dress. She didn't know the venue (Covent Garden) as she was collected.
* @ Namina and @mmmmmmk discovered the identity of @Rexysmum Hi Chris! How is life down under in your camper van?
Li-ttul Ali in his li-ttul car
In other news:
* Ali was living his best life at the Hotel Royal Evian Resort, Lake Geneva, with Veuve Clicquot, for the Evian Golf Championship.
* He carried a huge empty beach bag and discussed "breathy" fabric. The bag makes you look smaller, Ali, and don't you mean breathable?
* Josie bought a Hermes cardigan for an eye-watering £1360 plus other items. Hermes bag incoming in 3....2....1.....
Screenshots thanks to @Peppypoopar @Catcher_In_The_Lie @Greentrees @BeccaBanana
Last edited:
She does it all on her own!
