I have small boobs and aside the obvious perks - I have no real need to wear a bra although I choose to, I can run freely and feel no pain, I have no weight on my chest or back pain etc - it is really painful. Society is pushing an ideal that is the opposite of how my body looks, and I’ve always felt… less? Not good enough, not ‘womanly’ enough, just lacking. Don’t get me wrong, I love being skinny and slender and having a small waist. I have a nice bum and legs so I’m not totally screwed, but it definitely does make me feel really bad about myself and I have toyed with the idea of getting them done for the longest time. It’s something girls have used against me - just nasty teenager Mean Girls stuff - and also men once or twice. I look at the girls in Love Island and for someone who’s as in as much pain as I am about my body, it does hurt me to see girls with massive boobs because it kind of rubs salt in a wound?
In the same breath, I would hate to think I can’t be loved for just being my natural self, small boobs and all. I think it’s because of the pornography and things that men have such an obsession with a certain look. I’m torn between conforming and changing myself into something “sexier” to be more “likeable” and “widely accepted”, and I’m leaning more towards thinking nah, you can do one? I will not change and I’ll stand in my authenticity. Surely that’s more beautiful, to bravely stand there as yourself, imperfections and all? I would hate to think - I do hate to think - that I can’t accept myself as I am because our (mostly unconscious) preoccupation as women to be/fulfil male expectations and perform and perceive ourselves from/for the male gaze.