Jack Monroe #67 Eye can’t believe it’s not glitter

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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

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Congratulations to @SandyBallz for your very first thread title! A worthy winner with 53 reactions 🎉


Recap of thread #66

Well, where do we start?



  1. Her poverty book is due to be written so she needed to get off Twitter and focus.
  2. Surprise, surprise, she came back and she’s big bleeping mad.
  3. She is a ‘shy poet’.
  4. She has three, count them, three enormous lever arch files of ‘notes’ for the book, which seemingly will be based on newspaper clippings and not first-hand accounts and verified ethnographic case studies of her own. Rehashed beans are best served never.
  5. Her research makes her want to scream at the top of her lungs until she is sick. She is also burning from the inside out. <insert Jack-Jack from The Incredibles gif>
  6. Did you know that she invented the Healthy Start Voucher scheme that Marcus Rashford is campaigning for? Wow, someone should tell him.
  7. She raved about Richard Osman’s new book and one by little old her - both with undeclared affiliation links.
  8. Her Patreon tier prices have gone back up.
  9. She fell over her own size six feet and bruised her eye on the sink. Or a tap. Photos to prove such a thing happened were posted. She bruises like a Twilight vampire sitting in a literal sunbeam.
  10. Will she be able to deliver her speech at Total Housing 2020 virtual summit? All the doggos in the world don’t know how to answer this one.
  11. She’s giving it large with her opinions and tit and made another hard-hitting poll. This time about sandwiches. She despises a flappy sandwich and everyone stop talking about the deleted photo of her eye bruise. Small triangles, big triangles, small squares, rectangles. Not her bruise, la la la.
  12. What about your book, Jack? Write it, numbnuts. Chasing you away from Tattle as well.
 
Pocahontas said:
Congratulations to @SandyBallz for your very first thread title! A worthy winner with 53 reactions 🎉


Recap of thread #66

Well, where do we start?



  1. Her poverty book is due to be written so she needed to get off Twitter and focus.
  2. Surprise, surprise, she came back and she’s big bleeping mad.
  3. She is a ‘shy poet’.
  4. She has three, count them, three enormous lever arch files of ‘notes’ for the book, which seemingly will be based on newspaper clippings and not first-hand accounts and verified ethnographic case studies of her own. Rehashed beans are best served never.
  5. Her research makes her want to scream at the top of her lungs until she is sick. She is also burning from the inside out. <insert Jack-Jack from The Incredibles gif>
  6. Did you know that she invented the Healthy Start Voucher scheme that Marcus Rashford is campaigning for? Wow, someone should tell him.
  7. She raved about Richard Osman’s new book and one by little old her - both with undeclared affiliation links.
  8. Her Patreon tier prices have gone back up.
  9. She fell over her own size six feet and bruised her eye on the sink. Or a tap. Photos to prove such a thing happened were posted. She bruises like a Twilight vampire sitting in a literal sunbeam.
  10. Will she be able to deliver her speech at Total Housing 2020 virtual summit? All the doggos in the world don’t know how to answer this one.
  11. She’s giving it large with her opinions and tit and made another hard-hitting poll. This time about sandwiches. She despises a flappy sandwich and everyone stop talking about the deleted photo of her eye bruise. Small triangles, big triangles, small squares, rectangles. Not her bruise, la la la.
  12. What about your book, Jack? Write it, numbnuts. Chasing you away from Tattle as well.
Click to expand...
I love your recaps @Pocahontas
 
1599065207861.png


The amount of people suggesting arnica for her "bruise" :rolleyes:

(Don't @ me if you're into homeopathy :ROFLMAO:)
 
Pocahontas said:
Congratulations to @SandyBallz for your very first thread title! A worthy winner with 53 reactions 🎉


Recap of thread #66

Well, where do we start?



  1. and everyone stop talking about the deleted photo of her eye bruise. Small triangles, big triangles, small squares, rectangles. Not her bruise, la la la.
Click to expand...

She hasn't deleted it! unless my internet is even slower than I thought, :unsure:
 
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.

For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’
🥴
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
 
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