Jack Monroe #467 Tragedies that seem to befall her, you’d think her life was written by Lemony Snicket

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Dogmuck

Dogmuck

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Full title “The amount of tragedies that seem to befall her, you’d think her life was written by Lemony Snicket” shortened to fit, delivered by @The carlin nominated by @Smol Pixel - you both win a random green chair.

Mention for title winner - Unfortunately she still has to wake up as Jack Monroe -
Words by squig, brought to tattle by @FlirtyThirty and nominated by @Bwidge
Was decided by the horrible trolls on this site that it shouldn’t be used given the current situation that Jack is bread crumbing.


Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the launch of the VBI, the work of a weekend, the Ninnies of the cable celebrated its vital importance non existence with all sorts of japes during a very quiet Saturday with a mostly absent Jack.

Then bam 💥 at almost 9.30pm she started her ~ work ~ with some horrific tweeting - captured by @Veronicaaa

Jack Monroe #466 I'm heterosexual so I'm buying a guinea pig for Gary Wilmot

Stepping the Steps yet she hasn’t paid another debt There were many youknowwhat nominees in this excellently worded piece and yet this was my favourite.
tattle.life
and @Smol Pixel
https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...uinea-pig-for-gary-wilmot.36810/post-13639110

Within half an hour that whole lot was deleted and she advised her, over half million, followers “she couldn’t fkng do this any anymore” and for full drama promptly locked her account…for 90 seconds.

Please add to recap

For newbies who want to know anything about Jack or how this site has developed please see the Wiki which is the pink button at the top of the page.

Thread title nominations after page 30 and please no swears - do as you please 🤣
 
We all celebrated the non-existence of the Virtual Bollock Industry by wearing virtual hats, Jack breadcrumbed suicide like the horrible narc she is, denied ever breadcrumbing cancer although the canal, as always, has the receipts, a couple of new ninnies had a bit of a mither because of the aforesaid suicide breadcrumbing but the old hands were all "nah, she's done this before, this is exactly according to schedule," and lo and behold, she unlocked her account after a full ninety seconds, the Guinness World Records people are considering awarding her the world record for Shortest Twitter Flounce.
 
Witchfinder Sargeant said:
lo and behold, she unlocked her account after a full ninety seconds, the Guinness World Records people are considering awarding her the world record for Shortest Twitter Flounce.
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It’s not from Guinness because that’s a STOUT which is BEER which is ALCOHOL and do you want her to STOP BREATHING, but there are better awards out there, anyway.
F6C58275-D6C7-44B6-B0E4-A381DA6D0DA4.jpeg

Here you go Jack, you can file this one with your four and a half GCSEs and the prize you got in primary school that you’re still bleeping banging on about.
 
If it was anyone else we were talking about today, you’d say they’d be mortified by their own behaviour. As it is, Jack is probably gleefully throwing back bottles of squash and diving headfirst, fully clothed into a paddling pool full of her friends, their children and their dogs. She’ll dry off by a roaring fire before being nurtured and fed by a loving group of sober friends whom she is very thankful for. We’ll know this because she’ll post every bleeping detail of it on Twitter tomorrow without acknowledging the worry she’s caused to a load of brain dead, virgins who still live in their parents box room, eating beef McCoys and thunder and lightning flavoured energy drinks.
 
sioc said:
Came across this on twitter and just popping it in here because no one in 'real life' would understand why I find this so funny.

View attachment 1902111 q

Not that the cost of staples going up is funny of course but she'll need to find something else to rinse (and the squigs are getting resistant)
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Also a premium branded tin of beans would never have been a loss leader squigo.
 
I don't want to 🍉 myself, but my mom fought cancer twice and lost the second time. I had a breast cancer scare last year. I currently have a friend who is only 21 and recently discovered she has a tumour in her fallopian tube - because of this, she had to terminate a pregnancy and despite ALL OF THIS, she's still coming to work. This girl is a legend.

As for the the suicide baiting, get a bleeping grip Monroe. Loads of people deal with these thoughts, myself included. My last attempt was in 2012, the thoughts are still a part of my mental illness. Do you want to know what keeps me here in my darkest times? My child. I refuse to be separated from my baby and leave her with the trauma of a mother who died by suicide. Of course Jack doesn't think of SB when she's going on like this, she's a tit mother and I seriously hope SB has a good life with his dad.
 
Mrsoverall said:
*sulks* 👀😔
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I’m so sorry @Mrsoverall I didn’t know you’d nominated the thread title too, I was mid doing the original one when the change happened and so I just took the SS information from the nefarious ninnies that tried to hoodwink you out of your just credit. Please accept this signed first edition, hand sewn, leather bound with inlays of satin wood and mahogany, copy of the VBI as a gesture of my deepest regret for my mistake. Now duck off!
 
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