Jack Monroe #385 Just admit you're full of loathing and misdirected ire

[Satisfying Click]

Toot toot!

My tender hearts, we are entering the "It's coming," era of Jack pretending to fulfil her Patreon responsibilities.

Credit to @Django for the thread title. Your prize is an assymetric haircut. That's right, ASSymetric, whether you want one or not.

Jack is self-soothing by dressing up as an oversized baby as her Patreon numbers took quite the hit.

Welcome to new members. Please check Jack's wiki if you are new. It will take less time than pickling radishes.

Recaps from members welcome.

Imported from the other thread: Jack expressing her love for her son by describing the ways in which he takes care of her:

Friendly mod note: please try to avoid posts such as, "I can't keep up!" "So much to grunk on!" The threads move fast and they add unnecessary volume.

 

[Geetbo]

The canal waits with bated breath for the results of Jacks latest haircut.

 

[Just Lou]

Just as I'm in real time I need to go and cook dinner for my kid who I do not refer to as SB because he is 12 and might actually kill me for doing so. Also, not going to feed him slop.

 

[poot]

if her new ASSymmetric cut isnt a throwback to this stunning nest .. I don’t want to know

 

[metroglide]

Someone described Jameela Jamil thus 'you're like a superhero for eejits' and I may have hooted

 

[Mr Krabs]

Toni and Guy will be posting like - Here’s Jack who just got a cut with our senior major colonel style director, Kelly.

 

[Fruitjack]

It’s a shame her son doesn’t know that she doesn’t drink coffee.

 

[Slopholm Syndrome]

i feel like i’m in the bleeping twilight zone

 

[Orphan_Black]

Jack dissed parenthood like it was a torturous existence.

But it's ok, emotional support child earns his worth by making her a cup of coffee, patting the sofa for her to sit down, and playing computer games with her.

 

[jenny2603]

i feel like i’m in the bleeping twilight zone

Changing the world, one snarky tweet at a time. It is humbling to be alive and witnessing this beautiful journey of social change.

 

[Zelda]

Running "Mampapa it is simply smashing and spiffing that you have given me the name Small Boy. I am truly honoured!" through the translator.

Okay, the results are coming through. "I know I can't stop you. Just please don't use my real name."

 

[Marj24]

Jack dissed parenthood like it was a torturous existence.

But it's ok, emotional support child earns his worth by making her a cup of coffee, patting the sofa for her to sit down, and playing computer games with her.

Not a nice thing for me to say, but I truly hope SB remains her only child.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

I notice he didn't make the mistake of a two player game this time. Smart kid.

 

[Pimpinella]

Quoting FiveHundredDogs from the last thread "
The day my child was finally able to softly, gently scoop me up and care for me in the manner I feel I deserve as the worlds most vulnerable smol pixie was the day all my parenting efforts finally paid off. Yeah, don’t do this to a child, ever. It’s horrible to be a child who feels they’re responsible for the emotional well being of their parent. You know when I feel like my parenting efforts have paid off? When my daughter confidently goes off to do her own thing without having any worries or even thoughts about me."
I agree. I was that child through no fault of my mother's. I had two much older sisters. Where were they? Over the hills and far away when my mum needed them......

 

[lulu von bucket]

Apologies. Jumping straight in. No recap as have been away - have missed a good day and a half. Last night was at the press night for I, Joan. The physical resemblance of the actor who played Joan to Jack was uncanny. The vocal resemblance a million miles away. Fair made me think.

 

[Amanda Lin]

i feel like i’m in the bleeping twilight zone

Yeah squig, she’s so of the zeitgeist.

She really stuck it to Walkers Crisps.

That told them crispy lil fools

 

[Begborrowsteal]

i feel like i’m in the bleeping twilight zone

She loves the shock value and attempts at being funny. Shes bleeping vile.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Not a nice think for me to say, but I truly hope SB remains her only child.

I think it's a honest thing to say. Jack is not mother material. SB was a selfish, thoughtless whim, and she got so incredibly lucky that his dad is decent.

Also, if she's willing to pile on teachers publicly on socials, we've seen this many times, how the hell does she behave on parent's evenings etc (if she even goes at all.)

 

[jenny2603]

Not a nice thing for me to say, but I truly hope SB remains her only child.

It's the only nice thing to say.

 

[metroglide]

It's the only nice thing to say.

My ten years of hard therapy as the child of someone just like Jack agrees that this is the only humane thing to say.