Jack Monroe #156 Super crabby ADHD faux vegan is mendacious

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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

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Congratulations to @MaineCoonMama for the the words and @fauxpoor and @hollowhusk for the nomination! 🎉 Your prize: Jack’s sharing platter of ramen and accompaniments (and you must eat dressed as Mary Poppins in honour of your title)


Recap of last thread

  1. She added ‘ex fire service’ to her twitter bio. Just so you know.
  2. Her face rash and swollen jaw were because of ouchy tooth.
  3. She was ‘insane with all consuming agony’, so make sure you go to the dentist like she didn’t.
  4. How’s it going, Jack? Erm, 2018 was a while ago.
  5. #ThunderClapforCans. Please give her ideas, she’s all out of what you can do with prunes.
  6. She made herself some ramen that seemed to involve every colour of the brownbow. Plus egg.
  7. [*]
    Please use the words ‘thread title’ when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search.

    New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
    [*]
 
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Pocahontas said:
You love the smell of brown ramen in the morning.
Click to expand...





ETA .... She loves this story doesn't she? But I thought in previous tellings of it, she merely *thought* about sending the teacher the book, but then didn't?

Screen Shot 2021-02-27 at 11.30.56.png


Also lol at "straight to #1 in the UK charts'.
 
Jack reminds me of a friend I used to have who had no life other than watching tv and films. As a result, her stories and a lot of her dialogue were like she had taken them directly from a Hollywood blockbuster. 'You'll never amount to anything' - actual people don't say that, they don't use their human mouths and tongues and lips to say these words, let alone to a junior staff member. It's absolute horse tit.
 
It wouldn't be the weekend if I wasn't (horse) spunking money at ridiculous bets with increasingly tenuous links to our deal cabal and smol pixie. Today's selections will garner enough dosh for Mulberry handbags all round!

bets.JPG


My editing skills are shite but...let's just change "heart" to gob, and "sock" to clap. Also two lucky charms in honour of our dear Marmalade Atkins and Kachoochoo.
 
Eeeeeeeeeee she's so desperate to show off isn't she? All she's doing is showing herself up.

These stories get more and more embellished and fantastical over time but we've got the core ones

1) Authority figure/former boss implying she's awful but she gets to have the last laugh because she sold some books
2) A big bad gammon/politician/rando slagged off her tattoos/the fact she had a kid/whatever it is this week and she had the last laugh when she said something hilarious and witty
3) A man comes up to her in a supermarket and whispers how amazing she is because he obviously recognises her as she had the last laugh and sold some books.

It really tickles me that she keeps returning to these little tales as a way to brag. When all it does is show her up as pathetic narc.
 
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