Jack Monroe #141 Who dat?

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HotesTilaire

HotesTilaire

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Congratulations to @Sideboard Bob for posting the viggle receipt and @lilamay for nominating the words!
A brilliant prize for you both- I’ve named you and thanked you publicly on this thread, and I will probably never send you a signed copy once it’s finished.

In our last thread, Jack made @MancBee do a swear TWICE.
I beg your pardon, she asked Mom first if she could sketch her snowy garden
Only 6 days left until the “compendium of tit recipes for food and bathing” book deadline...
The canal of ninnies agreed broadly that - rabbits are good, cats are good, sheep are good, Jack is insufferable.
Apparently “purists” think different herbs taste different. Also, salt is salt is salt, get sprinkling that potassium permanganate on your chips!
Her milkbottles of herbs bring all the squiggles to the yard. Jury is out on whether she stores the surplus non-vegan milk in the little glass herb jars.

Edit- thanks also to dear heart @Switchstreetz for doing a recap whilst my computer was glitching!
 
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Previously, on Jack Monroe threads:

- some vegans were unhappy about Jack (who was enthusiastically applauding"sausage toffee" at roughly the same time) getting a veganuary partnership with the Linda McCartney brand.
- Instagram vegan uprising ensues. The brand sticks head in sand and sends out template response.
- former Sunday school teacher, and Patreon Pirate, JM misspells Pontius Pilate
- Jack coincidentally remembers she's a 90% vegan (but only 10% of the time) and begins a very disingenuous discussion about rice milk and vegan cheeses, not at all coming across as a mendacious attempt to deflect criticism.
- She penned lots of big words on twitter while abrogating her responsibilities as a writer
- and commented on Nigella's insta asking to draw her garden. Nigella, in an admirable display of restraint, did not reply
- who needed ALL HERBS ARE THE SAME for Jack bingo?
- why come up with recipes/life hacks when you can encourage squiggles to email them to you? Then you can use their ideas for free and make money off them! The ultimate top tip!
- "incredibly dangerous advice Jack" is back with the worst life hacks ever.
- table salt???! In a BATH?!
- adorable bunnies with a great message on responsible animal ownership here

As of Tuesday morning it is now 5 days till deadline:
 
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It’s taking every ounce of my restraint not to reply to her tweet asking for tips with some of my own thrifty ideas.
“Instead of bath salts, I like to drop some Bisto granules and a few chopped carrots in to the water so I can have a wash and cook a nice roast at the same time. You’re welcome, Jack :) x”
 
We made a thread without Harry or Poca and there was no chaos, go team! 😎

@HotesTilaire i was tempted to just quote @HarderFaster 's excellent summary post and leave it at that as the recap 😅

hope your computer behaving now - if not then try bathing it in a solution of water, table salt and orange peel before removing it from the bath and placing upon an old baking tray and setting alight. Throw sage/eucalyptus/any herb into the flames to exorcise the computer gremlins. Use the ashy remains as a replacement for any recipes requiring cumin.

If this does not work tell it to sort itself out this instant or you'll feed it Jack's minty pea and ham soup (do not do this I'm pretty sure it violates a Geneva convention)
 
Still time for more tips?

I believe you can repurpose crap books by setting fire to them. Make an excellent heat and light source that can also be used for cooking. (y)
Some pages may be used as toilet paper although no naked, vulnerable botty should be exposed to the horrors of ring pull hacks or tumble dryer fluff! Think on. 😀
 
BlendedSlop said:
I'm lying in bed still utterly perplexed by the baking tray/dish water "tip." The only explanation I can come up with is that when doing the dishes Jack has to take a mini dino nap after washing each item, hence the need to keep the water hot for hours on end.
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Let’s just say she should not have used a black, metal baking tray. It is the worst possible material for that purpose.

She should have made a bubble wrap (FREE from
Amazon orders local skips) pillow and filled it with lovely insulating hair or tumble dryer fluff (FREE).

See Jack, we are all here to help in every possible situation.
 
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Soapy Dolphin said:
Still time for more tips?

I believe you can repurpose crap books by setting fire to them. Make an excellent heat and light source that can also be used for cooking. (y)
Some pages may be used as toilet paper although no naked, vulnerable botty should be exposed to the horrors of ring pull hacks or tumble dryer fluff! Think on. 😀
Click to expand...
There is a Pinterest craze where people stick books (old, new, who knows? ) to walls for a headrest/headboard.

Someone I know did this. It made me really sad.
 
Top Tips Jack is bad. Tattle top tips are good. I bet she would publish anything she was sent at this stage.

🔺Here in the plague pits it is bonkers. I taught a lesson this morning with only one student left in school- the rest have covid/ are quarantined/ are being kept off. SO many teachers have the covid that there are all sorts of random people doing lessons, like the receptionist and HR lady. I think we are one step away from the bus drivers being roped in....
 
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Laptop ✅
Big Mac Pro thing ✅
Coops ✅
Claiming she gets up earlier than anyone EVER (5am) ✅
Book bollocks ✅
Post-its ✅

The only thing missing is a big flask of slowly cooling water.

ETA deleted tweets ✅ ( too fast for me, I was twatting around on other threads using yesterday’s coffee grounds to compost the local wildflower bed before the neighbours got up)
 
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