Incest

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T

Thank(space)you

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TW:
I'm so so embarrassed to be posting this so please be kind.

My (married) older brother (37) has been messaging me on snap chat asking me for nudes (of me). I said no and he kept hassling me, even after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and its inappropriate.

This isn't the first time he's been sexually inappropriate towards me.

I've told him if he says anything like it again I'm going to cut him out of my life.

I've only confided in my older sister as she's the only person I trust and she said its weird and I've done the right thing etc but not to read into it too much as we were all sexually abused as kids by our parents and he bore the worst of it. So he's not right in the head when it comes to sexual stuff.

Sorry for the long post but I feel super violated and can't stop thinking about it. I feel so gross and sad. Am I overreacting?
 
Thank(space)you said:
TW:
I'm so so embarrassed to be posting this so please be kind.

My (married) older brother (37) has been messaging me on snap chat asking me for nudes (of me). I said no and he kept hassling me, even after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and its inappropriate.

This isn't the first time he's been sexually inappropriate towards me.

I've told him if he says anything like it again I'm going to cut him out of my life.

I've only confided in my older sister as she's the only person I trust and she said its weird and I've done the right thing etc but not to read into it too much as we were all sexually abused as kids by our parents and he bore the worst of it. So he's not right in the head when it comes to sexual stuff.

Sorry for the long post but I feel super violated and can't stop thinking about it. I feel so gross and sad. Am I overreacting?
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hes 37, so regardless of what happened as children he is now an adult and knows that this is not appropriate. He needs professional help, this behaviour is wrong and god knows what else he’s getting up to. I think you need to completely cut him out of your life, and you should also seek professional help to deal with your past and this stuff now with your brother. You are not over reacting at all; this is possibly the most inappropriate thing to happen to a person and it’s completely normal that you feel the way you do. Please seek help. X
 
You are most definitely NOT overreacting. At all. And your feelings are completely valid. I would be blocking him if I were you. Blocking him in every which way I can. I truly am sorry to hear about the abuse you were all subjected to as children and understand it can have lasting affects for one into adulthood, though I have no personal experience with such myself. But if he's not stopping after you've told him to stop this is harassment, it's absolutely inappropriate behaviour and nothing excuses it. He needs professional help asap. I'd say therapy is needed all round if it's not already happening.
Of course I am not aware of your lives but he's a grown adult now, he's responsible for his own actions. Imo I wouldn't be threatening to cut him out of my life I would be doing it.
 
I feel for you so much

You say that he is troubled but he is 37 and a fully grown adult. He cannot be doing this to you, he should know better. You said that all three of you were abused he should know that you must have your demons too

It's not ok and I have to agree - block him out of your life. It's scary. If he is messaging you asking you for nudes, what can he do in person? Or someone else.

I'm sorry you're going through this x
 
I’m so sorry OP, this is an unbelievably crappy situation to be in and one that (hopefully) not many people can identify with.

It sounds so awful. I agree his behaviour is inexcusable- he’s fully grown now, married and must know that his behaviour is not normal. He needs help but that’s not your burden to shoulder.

I’d block him and let him know you are willing to cut him out your life if he doesn’t seek help and stop harassing you.

Take care of yourself x
 
Thank you all so much for your comments. I really appreciate each and every one of them. I feel like this situation is my fault somehow but I know in my logical mind it's not my fault.

It just hurts, like my heart physically aches with how sad I'm feeling. And I feel guilty for how upset I'm feeling and for not coping with it better.

I am on the waiting list for therapy, my sister is fairly mentally stable and my brother has some social anxiety issues but otherwise as far as I know is mentally healthy. I'm definitely the failure in terms of being mentally strong.

He did confront our mum about the abuse earlier this year, but she just denied it. He's not one for talking about his feelings.


Sorry to be waffling on, I just needed to get it off my chest.
 
I just don't know how to cope with these feelings. Usually when I'm feeling overwhelmed I burn myself or talk to people and talk it out. I dont feel like I can do the latter and my abusive ex has threatened to take our daughter away from me if he sees any evidence of the former.

TheScarletgirl said:
My friend was abused my there parents and i did hear that he was inappropriate towards his siblings .Not sure what causes this but i would ignore your brother.
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I'm sorry your friend went through that x
 
Thank(space)you said:
Thank you all so much for your comments. I really appreciate each and every one of them. I feel like this situation is my fault somehow but I know in my logical mind it's not my fault.

It just hurts, like my heart physically aches with how sad I'm feeling. And I feel guilty for how upset I'm feeling and for not coping with it better.

I am on the waiting list for therapy, my sister is fairly mentally stable and my brother has some social anxiety issues but otherwise as far as I know is mentally healthy. I'm definitely the failure in terms of being mentally strong.

He did confront our mum about the abuse earlier this year, but she just denied it. He's not one for talking about his feelings.


Sorry to be waffling on, I just needed to get it off my chest.
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please listen to me when I say that you are not a failure in any way. You were abused as a child, this is not your fault, you were an innocent child and there is absolutely no fault or blame to ever be laid at your door for what happened to you. Abuse of that kind absolutely harms you mentally and emotionally and there is no way you are a failure or anything like it for the way in which you are feeling or how this has affected you. Please believe this. My heart goes out to you, no one deserves this.
 
I can relate to your childhood situation and the main thing I would say is to prioritise yourself. He is an adult and if what happened is affecting him in this way he needs to seek help for himself. But you also went through the same thing and so by putting you in that position, he has not only made you feel uncomfortable but also no doubt triggered feelings and memories that are difficult to deal with.

You say you don’t feel mentally strong, does he know this? If so it’s even worse that he has sent you these messages.

Never feel like a failure for how you feel. Things that happen to us as children can be so hard to process as adults. I’m glad you’re on a waiting list for therapy, I hope that helps. In the meantime I would cut contact with him or at least distance yourself as much as possible. Look after yourself first x
 
Thank(space)you said:
TW:
I'm so so embarrassed to be posting this so please be kind.

My (married) older brother (37) has been messaging me on snap chat asking me for nudes (of me). I said no and he kept hassling me, even after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and its inappropriate.

This isn't the first time he's been sexually inappropriate towards me.

I've told him if he says anything like it again I'm going to cut him out of my life.

I've only confided in my older sister as she's the only person I trust and she said its weird and I've done the right thing etc but not to read into it too much as we were all sexually abused as kids by our parents and he bore the worst of it. So he's not right in the head when it comes to sexual stuff.

Sorry for the long post but I feel super violated and can't stop thinking about it. I feel so gross and sad. Am I overreacting?
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I ‘loved’ your post because I’m sending you love rather than loving the content.

As others have said, please please seek help. And I would advise you to block his number so he can’t contact you again. As someone who was abused as a child (by my brother), I know that not everyone who is abused goes on to abuse but imo your brother is perpetrating abuse by harassing you in this way. He most definitely needs help by the sounds of it but what happened to him doesn’t excuse what he’s doing to you.

You maybe think because he’s your brother and you went through such a horrific ordeal together you “owe” him something, but you don’t. You owe yourself safety and peace of mind and not to feel so awful. Blood is not always thicker than water.

Please seek help and look after yourself first and foremost. Thankyou 😘. Lots of love ❤

ETA: you are 100% not a failure. People with mental health problems aren’t failures and you are not to blame for that or what’s happened to you ❤️
 
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. What he’s doing is completely wrong. I’m sorry to ask this and feel free to ignore but does he have children? That would be a huge concern to me. He clearly has issues that stem from childhood. You need to spell out to him what he’s doing is inappropriate and that he needs to seek help urgently. If he doesn’t then I think you have no other option than to completely cut him off. Sending love to you.
 
Thank(space)you said:
Thank you all so much for your comments. I really appreciate each and every one of them. I feel like this situation is my fault somehow but I know in my logical mind it's not my fault.

It just hurts, like my heart physically aches with how sad I'm feeling. And I feel guilty for how upset I'm feeling and for not coping with it better.

I am on the waiting list for therapy, my sister is fairly mentally stable and my brother has some social anxiety issues but otherwise as far as I know is mentally healthy. I'm definitely the failure in terms of being mentally strong.

He did confront our mum about the abuse earlier this year, but she just denied it. He's not one for talking about his feelings.


Sorry to be waffling on, I just needed to get it off my chest.
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Please don't feel like it's your fault, it's not!

I have experienced all forms of abuse in my life except sexual so cannot exactly relate but please never, ever blame yourself.

I have seen you next post and again I can relate but it is not your fault! Do not hurt yourself, please PM me if you want but none of this is your fault. You know its not but i understand how the feelings would compound and make you think that. You have a little girl your first and foremost though has to be for her and keeping her safe. She needs you and you must focus on her to get you through this.

Please, PM me if you need help and reassurance, you shouldn't go through this alone.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I just don't know how to cope with these feelings. Usually when I'm feeling overwhelmed I burn myself or talk to people and talk it out. I dont feel like I can do the latter and my abusive ex has threatened to take our daughter away from me if he sees any evidence of the former.


I'm sorry your friend went through that x
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I am sorry to hear this . My friends birth parents are awful people had ten children all were adopted to different families. I know you don't want this from your brother you deserve some peace in your life :) Your ex will not take your daughter because you have not done anything wrong. I hope you feel better soon ♥
 
Thank(space)you said:
I just don't know how to cope with these feelings. Usually when I'm feeling overwhelmed I burn myself or talk to people and talk it out. I dont feel like I can do the latter and my abusive ex has threatened to take our daughter away from me if he sees any evidence of the former.


I'm sorry your friend went through that x
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National Helplines

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) Call 0808 801 0331 free from all landlines and mobiles Monday – Thursday 10am - 9pm. Friday 10am - 6pm NAPAC provides a national freephone support line for adults who have suffered any type of abuse in childhood. Website...
www.thesurvivorstrust.org www.thesurvivorstrust.org

please contact the above, for support and advice xxx
 
BettyCrocker said:
please listen to me when I say that you are not a failure in any way. You were abused as a child, this is not your fault, you were an innocent child and there is absolutely no fault or blame to ever be laid at your door for what happened to you. Abuse of that kind absolutely harms you mentally and emotionally and there is no way you are a failure or anything like it for the way in which you are feeling or how this has affected you. Please believe this. My heart goes out to you, no one deserves this.
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100% agree. You poor thing. Abuse could happen to anyone and is not a result of anything you’ve done. Never think it’s your fault.

As for your brother - he clearly needs some help but I don’t think this necessary needs to come from you. Protect yourself at this stage, let him know this is inappropriate, disgusting and just really quite violating. He needs to go away and reflect on what he’s doing. I would block and try and focus on what is important RN. X
 
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