Blonde_moment
Chatty Member
Will try to keep this short. Got married earlier this year to a man originally from Libya. He has been in UK for nearly 20 years. Adore him and very happy with him.
His Dad had a fall yesterday back home and it has really shaken him that his health might be deteriorating. He is devoted to his parents and is from a Muslim culture where parents come before all else.
I could see how upset he was and I asked him if anything were to happen would be move back. He answered that he doesn’t know. He hasn’t been home since 2011 and things have changed a lot in Libya due to the war and he doesn’t know what it’s like anymore / has heard bad things from friends. He never mentioned moving back before and I thought he was settled and had plans to remain here.
Hearing there is a possibility that one day he could move back has really messed with my head and got me very worried. I know it’s somewhere I wouldn’t want to live, I have a child and it’s culturally very different. I have told him this.
How would others in this situation feel? Am I being unreasonable to want certainty about the future and his plans? I feel worried that I am investing time with a man who at any time could turn around and say he’s moving back home. I care about him a lot and I thought I had met my life partner and now this has thrown everything into doubt.
He has told me I need to live in the moment and stop worrying, but I’m finding that difficult as I’m naturally a worrier anyway and abandonment is a huge fear of mine.
I know I should probably have asked him about this before we got married. It just never entered my head because he seemed so here and never talked about going back. I would like to think that if he had doubts about staying here, he would’ve been upfront about that with me before marrying me.
---
I think I also feel it’s a rejection of me. Like if he loved me and I wanted to spend his life with me, why would moving back home even be an option? It makes me feel like I’m not enough. Is that too black and white / selfish?
His Dad had a fall yesterday back home and it has really shaken him that his health might be deteriorating. He is devoted to his parents and is from a Muslim culture where parents come before all else.
I could see how upset he was and I asked him if anything were to happen would be move back. He answered that he doesn’t know. He hasn’t been home since 2011 and things have changed a lot in Libya due to the war and he doesn’t know what it’s like anymore / has heard bad things from friends. He never mentioned moving back before and I thought he was settled and had plans to remain here.
Hearing there is a possibility that one day he could move back has really messed with my head and got me very worried. I know it’s somewhere I wouldn’t want to live, I have a child and it’s culturally very different. I have told him this.
How would others in this situation feel? Am I being unreasonable to want certainty about the future and his plans? I feel worried that I am investing time with a man who at any time could turn around and say he’s moving back home. I care about him a lot and I thought I had met my life partner and now this has thrown everything into doubt.
He has told me I need to live in the moment and stop worrying, but I’m finding that difficult as I’m naturally a worrier anyway and abandonment is a huge fear of mine.
I know I should probably have asked him about this before we got married. It just never entered my head because he seemed so here and never talked about going back. I would like to think that if he had doubts about staying here, he would’ve been upfront about that with me before marrying me.
---
I think I also feel it’s a rejection of me. Like if he loved me and I wanted to spend his life with me, why would moving back home even be an option? It makes me feel like I’m not enough. Is that too black and white / selfish?