Helen Anderson #17 is divorced, is a smoker, is ready for Fiwl to impreg with his poker

[Lunamoon22]

WELCOME TO THREAD #17

SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER

Big thank you to everyone who suggested titles and voted.
The most voted title was one of the summary captions, as suggested by @Getinmybelly (#1) and @Albert_Chris (#2) with a combined total of 170 votes​

PREVIOUSLY ON QUIRKERZ.....:

Thank you for the poll suggestion @willykelly!

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▷ THAT CAPTION COMPETITION
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- After banging on about how her first limited edition poster run sold out in a week and made her £2,000 - she does a second limited edition run, this time worldwide - but can't shift them, so she hosted a giveaway via an IG caption competition

- She posted a picture of her and Ben, not social distancing and asked them to come up with a caption for the picture

- Her audience came up with some cringe-worthy suggestions such as Ben having lice, being birthed by unicorns, a story about a mini goat and Ben falling for Helen

- Currently, the top most liked comment on the page is "Maybe he's just realised you're meant to be social distancing" - to which she replied "probably"

- Weeks later she still hasn't announced a winner.

Tattle decided to join in with some suggestions of our own:

1. A couple of dickheads acting selfishly for a photoshoot in the middle of a pandemic. (by @Emmapism)
2. He's trying to calculate what 2m looks like (by @Disneylifeonly)
3. What the fuck is that smell? (by @Albert_Chris)
4. What's the Minnie YouTube password again?? (by @Ennasor)
5. He's struggling to process how you still tell your subscribers you're a size 14 (by @Influensters)
6. How much did we agree on for my hourly rate & will I get that today? (by @Nopesorry123)


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▷ IT'S NATIONAL DAY OF REFLECTION - HERE'S A PIC OF ME BREAKING MORE COVID RULES
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- Instead of paying her respects to the tragic loss of life from Covid on the 1st Anniversary of lockdown in the UK, she posted a quirky reel of outfits she can't wait to wear on June 21st (when restrictions are predicted to end)

- She captioned it "on 21st June the earth will shake"

- She also posts pictures of her and Ben
breaking lockdown and breaking covid restrictions by not social distancing, because the band needs yet another profile picture


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▷ SHE'S BACK ON TATTLE... AGAIN
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- She reposts an IG video and CC's Guru Gossip and Tattle

- She says that she hates to give those sites the time of day, but she and her plant pot called Lucius thought it was a perfect thing to post

- @Nopesorry123 has a perfect response

- She went to therapy because of Tattle and she's doing soooo much better and is sooooo happy, so she rewards herself by coming back on to Tattle.

- She still claims that she wants people to stop posting on an anonymous website and have a conversation with her directly... yet she will also delete and block people she doesn't agree with.
- She forgets that she still can't take any form of criticism as it was only a day ago that she had a rant about people trying to have a conversation with her about her skating.
- It's ok though, Tattle used to bother her, now she's "out the other side now and feels more clarity" ...that's why she's posting about us. Duh.

- Mentions Tattle again in her Feeling Myself video, says she used to read here but not anymore and that the only thing she took away from reading here was that people didn't like her change in taste in terms of clothing style and that she's dressing too 'mainstream' (No mention about her problematic behaviours...)


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MY IDENTITY USED TO BE ABOUT BEING EDGY, BUT NOW IT'S ABOUT BEING EDGY
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- Got asked about losing her identity during the pandemic, then rambles an answer on about her identity being based on her clothing

- Claims she's always dressed in comfy clothes - but her vlogs, videos and stories and pictures indicate otherwise

- Claims she never leaves the house - but her vlogs, videos and stories and pictures indicate otherwise

- Claims she used to be all about curly hair but not so much any more - but her vlogs, videos and stories, pictures and oh yeah THIS EXACT VIDEO WHERE SHE'S CURLING HER HAIR, YET AGAIN, indicate otherwise

- Wears converse because they mean that you like rock music

- She used to dress edgy and alternative for attention, she's not bothered about dressing like that these days but contradicts herself later by saying how she has to put her EDGE in!

- Built her channel on the whole "dress however the fuck you want" and how not to "give a fuck" about people judging you for what you wear, but rambles on about how she's incredibly insecure about what she wears and if people call her mainstream she'd have a meltdown - SHE MUST BE SEEN AS ALTERNATIVE! SHE MUST BE SEEN AS ROCK AND ROLL!

- Keeps repeating her outfits now are perfect to go out day drinking, and how everything revolves around alcohol - yet she will lose her shit if it's pointed out


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▷ NEWS FLASH! I'M DOING HAUL VIDEOS AGAIN! BUT IT'S A MYSTERY VIDEO... I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT THE MYSTERY WAS THOUGH!
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- Spoils what her 'mystery video' is going to be about on IG

- Says she's combining old hauls with a new version of hauls by doing a haul video where you have to guess where it's from. That's the excuse she's using to get away with bringing hauls back into her channel

- Deliberately swings the hanger around to try and show the audience that every item she bought is a "size 14" (Asda are notorious for being very generous with their sizing)https://tattle.life/threads/helen-anderson-16-cant-be-alone-cant-stay-at-home.17307/post-4412064

- Didn't plan to do this video, she went to Asda for food and ended up buying over £100 worth of clothes on top of the food shop

- Weirdly yells that she didn't put the clothes on her and Fiwl's joint account card


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▷ SHE CHIPPED HER TOOFT AGAIN BUT TRIES TO HIDE IT
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- Chipped her tooth on a bottle of "water" back in February, rushed to get it fixed

- In her "An Abundance of Activities" vlog it looks like she chipped her tooth again, but she doesn't address what happens.

- She ignores several comments about it and goes super quiet on her social media

- Later reveals that she chipped her tooth on a blondie and that she wasn't going to pay to have it fixed again.

- Rushes out and gets it fixed and then tells a weird story of how she asked the dentist about getting vampire fangs - but when the dentist gives her a serious answer, Helga freaks out and says she was only joking. Funny.


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▷ HEY HELGA, WHERE'S YA HELMET?
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- In her skating video she said she had a helmet and kept going on about "safety first". The helmet hasn't been seen since

- Leena Norms has something to say about not monetizing her skating hobbies. HELEN COULD NEVER.

- She has claimed that she's not encouraging or influencing others to skate recklessly, yet goes out skating with her niece and has obviously influencing her not to wear any safety gear


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▷ THE GROSS PANTY LINER INCIDENT
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- In her IG reel of spring outfits, she deliberately edits in a leg kick in a dress, showing off her underwear and sanitary towel

- NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR PANTY LINER, HELEN!

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▷ SAYS SHE'S ALL ABOUT QUALITY OVER QUANTITY, THEN PUTS OUT A 40 MINUTE VIDEO OF REPETITIVE RAMBLING AND CHOPPY EDITING
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- Click baits her thumbnail for her March feelings and favs video, where she claims she's all about "quality over quantity" these days, but:

1. She has increased her upload schedule to 3 days a week to get more videos out on her dying channel

2. She has boasted in numerous videos about managing to cut her editing time down to a very rushed 30 minutes

3. She usually rushes to film shit same day as upload day

4. Repeats all the same things in her videos - the kettle shot, the cleaning content, the food shop, the getting ready, the constant mention of having so many chores and errands to do

5. Says she has quality visuals, yet she always includes the unappealing up-the-arse shots in nearly every video as well as burps and farts.


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▷ OUR LITTLE COVID SPREADER IS BACK AT IT AGAIN
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- Since lockdown has lifted, she has rushed out to do as much as she can - seeing multiple friends and family

- he had to rush out to multiple shops to get a bunch of tat for her Easter weekend gatherings

- She held an incredibly lame Easter egg hunt where she and her friends went out and hid eggs for each other to find, touching everything and hiding eggs under road work equipment, handed eggs to neighbours and hid eggs in bins.


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▷ FIWL'S SICK BUT THEY STILL MEET UP WITH EVERYONE THEY CAN
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In her Feeling Myself video she shows Fiwl, not social distancing and sitting right next to Danni, and everyone is grabbing food from the same plate

- Later on in the video she shows Fiwl breathing into a steam inhaler with a tub of Vicks in the background


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▷FILFLUENCER IS BACK WITH A #AD
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- Fiwl has been trying hard to be an influencer with posts that sound like Helga wrote for him

- Helga has got Fiwl his first #AD #GIFTED, he's "looking for to showing" us


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▷ SHE'S TRAVELLING FOR "WORK" BUT IT'S JUST ANOTHER APHETOR GAMES
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- Back in September, she was part of The Aphetor Games - where 20 "influencers" travelled to Wales for a trip away to Zip World with no social distancing or proper mask-wearing (more info from end of thread #4 and thread #5 onwards

- Only a week out of lockdown 3 and she's back at it, travelling to Woking, Surrey to take part in another Aphetor Games thing where they had to do a log run over water.

- She mentions the trip briefly in her Burn Out video and claims that the event was a "BIG PRODUCTION"


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▷ POSTS VIDEOS OF HER HAULS AND PARTIES BUT NOW THE POOR BABY IS BURNT OUT
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- She came back home from her trip and claimed that she took a couple of days off "work" as she felt burned out

- She posts another story claiming that she took this week easy as she felt drained and says it's been nice having a rest

- In her Identifying Burn Out video she gives pathetic advice about feeling burned out

- She says that she had felt resentful of everything she was doing and decided to take ONE day off and that fixed everything, she's now excited to work again! WOO!

- The whole video was just for her to receive validation from her molluscs to tell her that she deserves time off because she works so hard and that she's not lazy etc.


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▷ SHE SAYS LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO DOWNLOAD GRAMMARLY, BUT MAYBE SHE SHOULD
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Wanted some BEER tinted moisturisers - we have no idea what she was trying to say

On JUST 21st we come out to play... - when trying to say June 21st

Lunch DESERT - meaning lunch dessert

'LOOSING yourself' - meaning losing yourself

I made BLOODIES for my friends! - meaning she made blondies

A soft BUT of cake / Not like others a stick of rock - meaning a soft bit of cake. We have no idea what she was trying to say in the second part...

TOMMOROW - instead of tomorrow

DESSERT boots - instead of desert

"Looking FOR to showing you all - trying to say looking forward to...


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▷ OTHER QUIRKY THINGS
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- Let's play QUIRKERZ BINGO!! (thanks @Albert_Chris)

Not a single person is asking, or even wants to know, what porn she likes

- Complains about her dogs wanting their breakfast while she's sat on her arse, claims that she never begs for food.. but there's footage that says otherwise...

- Copies Amy's outfit, again

- She wants people to send her even more free shit to her "POO BOX"

- She makes Blondies for her friend - but sticks her unwashed-from-the-toilet-and-straight-in-the-mouth-then-up-the-nose-pudgy-fingers in the mixture.

- Her poor dog's nails have been neglected

- Posts more pictures of her inability to social distance with Ben...and again

- Releases a new song, but no one cares because it's boring and obviously about Maff, she also sings the word "guilt" weird

- TITS AND COCKS AND MY NEW SINGLE!

- "I DON'T SMOKE, EXCEPT FOR WHEN I DO. ALL THE TIME. BUT I'M NOT ADDICTED, YOU ARE!"

- She drew Fiwl as a bear, but it looks like a dog

- Traced a skull for her new t-shirt design

-She's copying another influencer

- She's such a fucking Karen, publically complaining about Hermes delivery service, she tags the wrong account in her complaint though

- It looks like Helga's naked...

- "YOU KNOW HOW IRATE I GET!"

- She's redecorating her bedroom again, with a wall full of £125 per roll of colourful vomit

- In her Rambles on about having to buy an iPad, iPhone, Macbook, and accessories for "work purposes", she goes on to say that she needed to have all the latest gadgets for "business expense" and "tax purposes"

- She got her arse out again, luckily no pantie liners - but she has to wear her slimming Spanx underneath her bikini bottoms... which are way too small

- Posts a video of her skating progress, there's no difference but it's nice that she shared all the lockdown gatherings she did

- She still can't social distance

- Host another party where people pick buffet foods... mmm yummy covid

- She makes her friend trip up while skating

- She's made "relax be kewl" t-shirts


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▷ VIDEO HIGHLIGHTS:
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Spoiler: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY

Chapter 1: Arse Shots

Chapter 2: Quality Content

Chapter 3: Kewl Vocabulary

Spoiler: OH MY GOD, SO BORING

Spoiler: I DON'T SMOKE

Spoiler: SaFeTy FuRsT

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▷ PICTURE HIGHLIGHTS:
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[Getinmybelly]

@Lunamoon22 it was all your cation this one we all just loved it so much

Also best recaps ever you queeeeeeen

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Excellent recap as always @Lunamoon22

 

[ekl2000]

Awkward that her tattle thread is more successful than her band.

10/10 summary as always Luna. You could give Helen tips on content creating.

 

[Lunamoon22]

Aw thanks guys. Haha, I think I'll save all my content suggestions for someone more deserving than Helga

Just noticed that the thread title got changed slightly, no clue why... but I guess it still makes sense... Right?

 

[Gh0sts]

I keep thinking about how annoyed the people living opposite the carpark they skate in must be. I can imagine they are moaned about on many neighbourhood group chats

 

[Lunamoon22]

Her facial expression

A LARGE is OVERSIZED for Helga

Lax cool sounds like a laxative...

Why did she include a photo of her neck and necklaces?

 

[Tyla73]

That's nice that they've chosen a t-shirt that is produced responsibly but it hardly fits in with Helga's primarily fast fashion wardrobe. So performative . I wonder how much profit she's going to make on them?

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Surely no one apart from Minnie will pay £25 for a band tee of a band that only has two songs out.
I bought Mr Ssw a Slipknot T-shirt for less than that.

 

[SpookyLumberjack]

The t-shirt is just £5 more than the print LMAO

 

[Lunamoon22]

That's nice that they've chosen a t-shirt that is produced responsibly but it hardly fits in with Helga's primarily fast fashion wardrobe. So performative . I wonder how much profit she's going to make on them?

I can see at the moment she has:

Small - 18 left
Medium - 27 left
Large - 23 left
XLarge - 16 left

Total of 84 t-shirts

She's charging £25 for them so the ones she's got left she'll make: £2,100

 

[Tyla73]

I can't see her selling that many. They'll probably be like David Brent's single, loads left over and destined to be forced on friends and family who then banish them to garages and lofts .

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Does anyone remember the random story of how someone found a random shed full of Katie Price & Peter Andre’s albums?

Someone is going to find a shed full of T-shirts and prints .

 

[Tom_Nook]

View attachment 524780 q

Lax cool sounds like a laxative...

Lax Kewl- just what you need to recover from the covid sharing platter and having an ice cream before you go to sleep.

 

[ekl2000]

‘Adapted to fit on a tshirt’ haha I hope she makes a vlog about this hurdle she heroically overcame.

 

[Lunamoon22]

I love that she put no information on size, there's not even a size guide. She only says that the t-shirts are oversized... Ok... But... Where are the measurements?

We all know how Helga is with her own sizing, I mean she's been claiming that she's a size 14 for 8 years now, even after gaining stone after stone after stone after stone she still says she's a 14... (Oh but remember she can sometimes fit into a 10!)

So I guess the size of the t-shirts are... A size 14, sometimes a 10?

 

[tsuyu]

Great recap as per usual ♥

its So clear this ‘band’ is all about the money, she knows she’ll sell these T-shirt’s because of what’s left of her fan base

they have the same amount of merch as songs, have done 4 band photo shoots this month alone (at least what’s been uploaded to their insta) have a full music video for one song and an animated video for the other. It’s so... backwards

she doesn’t seem to ever show herself just sitting and writing music either? Her vlogs and weekend roundups, what she shows online all lack anything to do with music and her band unless it’s her trying to sell something

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

*Sniggers*

 

[Kraken]

Listing their merch before their music on the link tree, good to see where their priorities lie!

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’m a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to postage costs granted but a £25 T-shirt and they’re charging a fiver p&p.