Helen Anderson #14 Drinks if the day ends in Y, Not an influencer but please buy, buy, buy

[Lunamoon22]

WELCOME TO THREAD #14
Helen Anderson - Drinks if the day ends in Y, "Not an influencer" but please buy, buy, buy!

Big thank you to @eilidhh for the title suggestion!
64 votes​

PREVIOUSLY ON QUIRKERZ.....:


▷ DEAR DIARY, I WRITE LIKE A FIVE-YEAR-OLD
- Created a scrapbook for her 30th Birthday, misspells it "BIRTHDHAY"

- Breaks several covid rules by going out for non-essential trips and having multiple people coming over to give her presents

- Wrote how Fil's gift was "the scent of our happiness"

- In her diary and her vlog she claimed that it was so good not having the pressure of having a ridiculous party or go OTT to prove how much fun you had... yet doesn't realise that she did exactly the equivalent of a ridiculous party by making sure to prove how fun and amazing her birthday was, and saying it was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVERRRRR!

- She also states in the vlog how she wants to throw a MASSIVE party after the pandemic for all the birthdays missed because of Corona.



▷ MY DOG FELL INTO ICE WATER AND IS STRUGGLING TO GET OUT. QUICK! I MUST GET MY CAMERA OUT!
- Diane the tiny dachshund fell into an ice puddle and struggled to get out of it. Instead of helping her and getting her out of the ice, Helen filmed Dee struggling, while screaming and laughing at her.

- She thought that Diane's ordeal was perfect to repost on TikTok with the Artax scene dubbed over it



▷ ‼PLEASE READ‼ HERE'S FILUENCER'S TOP 5 T-SHIRTS. YES, IT'S LAME.
- Fil (and his greasy, teeny weeny man bun) posts his wanna be influencer post of his top 5 graphic tshirts with Helen's help. We've seen this all before when she tried to turn Maff into an influencer

- In her Creating Together vlog she shows Fil being really insecure about doing his T-shirt post. He asks her if what he's doing is lame. Helga tries to convince him otherwise and heavily states how it was HIS idea and how HE wanted to do it. We all know Helen is behind Fil's wannabe influencer lifestyle.



▷ GRANNY KISS #2
- Previously on Quirkerz we saw the most awkward kiss between Helga and Fil, where she grabbed him, made him kiss her and he asked if he could go now after they were done

- Helga has put in yet another awkward kiss where she, again, pulls him into her and makes him give her a kiss

- Posts her My Boyfriend Picks My Outfits reel, with outfits that she already picked out for him. Claims that he describes all her outfits as "super cute"

- Also far away from her as possible is just bizzare.

- In her My Boyfriend Does My Make Up vlog, Fil lets out his pent up aggression by roughly pulling Helga's head around and battering her face with makeup. Helen desperately tries to get close to Fil and slumps towards him before getting bored and distracted by the thought of food.



▷ DISCLAIMER #1: MY BOYFRIEND PICKS MY OUTFITS BUT HE DOESN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
- Weirdly over explains in a DISCLAIMER her reason for getting Filwhipped to pick his favourite looks of hers and rants about not wanting to seek approval from others... yet her whole job is based on seeking approval and being liked by others

- She will, however, gladly accept approval via compliment form only



▷ DISCLAIMER #2: IT'S NOT ALCOHOL (FOR ONCE)
- Posts a reel to show off a makeup look, has to start it off with her taking a whisky shot BUT it's not really whisky, it's espresso. There was absolutely no reason why she needs to take a shot for her make up look, but she wants to look well edgy



▷ RELAX, BE KEWL... AND BUY MY crappy, OVERPRICED PRINT
- Releases a print of her band's song lyric with the most basic and randomly placed design.

- The print is incredibly overpriced at £20 (£25 with P&P)

- She puts it up all over her house and tells everyone that it's a message we all need during this time.

- Tattle has a much better slogan for a Helen: Stay Home, You Fool



▷ ANOTHER PERSON IS GETTING ATTENTION FOR POSTING UNDERWEAR SHOTS AND TALKING ABOUT TOXIC POSITIVITY? I MUST COPY!
- Photoshop loving, Facetune using and filter covering Quirkerz posts pictures of herself in her underwear sitting on her kitchen counter

- Awkwardly poses by unnaturally arching her back to stick her arse further out, she also seems to have some sofa crease imprints on the back of her legs

- Practically copies another influencer's post about toxic positivity and body confidence

- Reposts love from another influencer about her toxic positivity/body post... yet this particular influencer is a toxic dieter whose content revolves around obsessively counting calories and constantly working out because she's terrified of putting on weight



▷ VALENTINE'S DAY EXPECTATION: OVERLY PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES, REALITY: SOFA DUVET FARTS
- Posts a weird expectation vs reality for Valentine's Day where she randomly posts her rancid farting clip

- Her mate thinks her fart is "legendary" and talks about it with her personal trainer.

- Her manager also comments about her fart "your bum was like, pass me the mic" as if he is a 50-year-old trying to be down with the kids



▷ SHARONDERSON STRIKES AGAIN
- After trying and failing to use 'her name' to help get Fil a response from Game over a 'missing' order, she took to Twitter to complain publicly about the company for not responding and accused them of taking the money and running

- Some comments indicate that she may have had the game the whole time, but she's not certain



▷ BREAKS HER TOOTH SIPPING ON "WATER", BURNS HER FACE OFF WITH RETINOL
- Claims she chipped her tooth sipping on her water bottle at 3 am

- On the same day her face started peeling because she put a shit ton of strong retinol all over her face as she was too impatient to gradually build up to it

- Claims she didn't put any around her eyes and that the perfect red circles around them were just the retinol which migrated perfectly around them

- Also looks like she's put them on her lips as her fillers look fucked



▷ "APPARENTLY I'M AN INFLUENCER"
- Has been going on and on and on about the skincare book she got since Christmas, and how she's been reading it religiously, how she's been getting super into skincare and how she might become a skincare guru in the future.

- Since her retinol disaster she's gone on a rant about how influencers shouldn't be expected to know everything

- Keeps blowing her own trumpet and constantly mentioning that people are praising her for showing off getting it wrong with her chemically burn face

- Went on a rant "apparently I'm an influencer" which she hates being referred to as

- Then goes on a rant about influencers being seen as superhumans, mentions a lot about guilt and mentions that she constantly talks to her therapist about influencer responsibility



▷ OH THE HYPOCRISY...
- Remembering when she posted about coping during the first lockdown (29th March 2020) where she reflected on the positives of the lockdown experience

- She said she realised just how many unnecessary trips she would make to "pick up some bits" and since having reduced shopping visits, it has made her way more aware of what she has and what she can work with at home

- As her behaviour displayed since that post proves, she is so full of tit the toilet's jealous



▷ FORGETS THERE'S A STRICT NATIONAL LOCKDOWN, GOES OUT FOR A NON-ESSENTIAL SHOPPING SPREE FOR MORE SKIN CARE
- After spending £300 on skincare on Look Fantastic, Helga decides that she desperately needs more goodies and can't possibly do an online shop

- With the UK still in a national lockdown, people still sick and dying and a very small amount shops open for essential shopping only, Helen decides to go to Boots instore to treat herself to more skincare and other "treats"

- She went "a bit mad" while shopping as "there's something just so special being in a shop rather than online. WHOOPS!"

- Shows off her haul which consisted of a few skincare bits, lipsticks and bubble bath



▷ OTHER QUIRKY QUIRKERZ TINGS
- Has so far burned everything bleeping thing she's put in her air fryer so far; turkey twizzlers... hash browns... her candles...

- Moans about Fil not taking the bins out for her, as he was too busy scraping snow and ice his car whilst she lazed in bed scrolling on TikTok, but it's ok Filwhip has another chance as the bin men didn't come so he can bring her another tea in bed and take them out again next time.

- Signs off for the weekend by posting a video of her kicking Diane when she makes her way to the fridge to get her precious bottle of booze

- The best Valentine's Day moment ever and what Fil got her this year

- Gets a comment about her putting on weight, her response was "haven't we all?"..... no. No we all haven't, Helga.

- Is recording a pilot for her own PODCAST

- Constantly rants about how we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, yet days after one of her recent preachy rants she compares herself to another influencer for looking glam on a dog walk

▷ PICTURE / VIDEO HIGHLIGHTS:

 

[TaylorSlattery]

The TOOFY jpg

 

[Somethingnew]

How the hell did she get a dentist appt in this city after also admitting she hasn’t been in years?! I haven’t been in years and they chucked me off the books BEFORE covid. I’m sure it would have still happened during covid as so many people are trying to get into a dentist at the moment. She def said it was an emergency. Really really not essential Helen you’re not meant to be going anywhere so who cares if your tooth is chipped til we come out of lockdown ffs. (Of course if it had exposed a nerve that would be different, but she openly admitted she hasn’t been to the dentist for years even for a filling that’s giving her grief, so if hadn’t been cosmetic she’d have left it for sure)

 

[PepsiCherry]

Thanks Luna

 

[Lunamoon22]

How the hell did she get a dentist appt in this city after also admitting she hasn’t been in years?! I haven’t been in years and they chucked me off the books BEFORE covid. I’m sure it would have still happened during covid as so many people are trying to get into a dentist at the moment. She def said it was an emergency. Really really not essential Helen you’re not meant to be going anywhere so who cares if your tooth is chipped til we come out of lockdown ffs. (Of course if it had exposed a nerve that would be different, but she openly admitted she hasn’t been to the dentist for years even for a filling that’s giving her grief, so if hadn’t been cosmetic she’d have left it for sure)

I'm surprised that she got an appointment so quickly. She must have said it was an emergency. Probably threw the line that her face is her job or some idiotic tit. Didn't she say that she thought the chipped looked kinda kewl?!

I remember Monami Frost's daughter chipped her tooth in the first lockdown. She didn't get it fixed because it wasn't an emergency and she was fine leaving it until it was safer to get it fixed, Monami's 12-year-old daughter has more maturity and understanding of the situation than Helga.

 

[HotTea]

Thank you for the recap Luna . The Charles Manson/Phil Kirby Egg comparison gets me every time

 

[PepsiCherry]

Thank you for the recap Luna . The Charles Manson/Phil Kirby Egg comparison gets me every time

Feicin image !!!!!!!!

 

[Caroline25]

Has she never been told touching your face is a skincare cardinal sin?! Like, by all means go and spend £300+ on products. God forbid you actually... keep your face clean We're all guilty of touching our faces throughout the day, but when she can't make a 3 minute video without mauling it with her dirty hands, pulling her delicate under eye area and slapping her cheeks with her great ham slabs it's no wonder her skin looks tired, dull and spotty. She burnt it and STILL can't leave it alone to rest and recover. I hope she was joking when she said she could become a skincare guru

 

[TaylorSlattery]

Ham Slabs?! I’m done

 

[AB3]

Ham Slabs?! I’m done

Shes got fingers like pigs tits

 

[just_stir_it_una]

I hope she was joking when she said she could become a skincare guru

it's about as impressive as when Estee Lalonde says she's a makeup/skincare guru just no

 

[ohhhello]

I am all about that comfy lockdown life and understand we're all in comfy clothes and minimal makeup is pretty standard, but when your job is to make videos of yourself WASH YOUR DAMN FACE AND BRUSH YOUR DAMN HAIR WOMAN.

 

[ekl2000]

The Fil Manson pic just made me WHEEZE laughing so much tit I forgot that existed

 

[Lunamoon22]

Has she never been told touching your face is a skincare cardinal sin?! Like, by all means go and spend £300+ on products. God forbid you actually... keep your face clean We're all guilty of touching our faces throughout the day, but when she can't make a 3 minute video without mauling it with her dirty hands, pulling her delicate under eye area and slapping her cheeks with her great ham slabs it's no wonder her skin looks tired, dull and spotty. She burnt it and STILL can't leave it alone to rest and recover. I hope she was joking when she said she could become a skincare guru

HER GREAT HAM SLABS

 

[luckyblue]

Bit nitpicky but it does annoy me that she’s very all or nothing in her looks during this time. She’s either in shitkickers, unbrushed hair, unwashed, looking quite hungover (and probably is), or she’s in a £300 outfit, not including the Prada, whacking on £400 of skincare all at once. Doesn’t sound like your mental health is actually improving as much as you say Helen.
As has been said, everyone’s definitely been dressing comfier but that doesn’t mean grubby. I make sure to change out of my pajamas each day, shower, put on clean clothes, etc. Even though I’m furloughed and thus never have to leave the house or see anyone. It’s just for me. I know not everyone has the privilege of all that, but Helga certainly does. It would be much more helpful and relatable content to show how to take care of yourself consistently in this time, but I don’t think she knows how to do that.

 

[CherryAcid]

HER GREAT HAM SLABS

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I had to laugh when she said Phil was being quite rough when he did her make-up, she’s so bloody rough with her face anyway!

 

[Holswols]

Thank you for the recap Luna . The Charles Manson/Phil Kirby Egg comparison gets me every time

Forgive me for what I’m about to say but if there’s anywhere to put in a burn book entry it’s this blessed forum I’ve been trying to figure out why Fil unsettles me so much and it’s this!! Nail on the head. I know attractiveness is subjective but he makes my skin crawl - it’s the combination of downturned eyebrows and weird super-close upturned eyes. Plus how his chin and mouth are really small and kinda weak and his big pointy nose hooks down towards them. He reminds me a bit of Count Von Count from muppets, but with tit greasy hair that needs a cut

 

[Lunamoon22]

Must be a slow work day...

 

[TaylorSlattery]

I wish someone could sack her.

 

[ohhhello]

I wish someone could sack her.

A hessian sack? Oh wait, that's her hair.