Thread #10 Recap:
Cast member detour - During a live vlog at Disneyland, KT was sent on an unexpected detour when some cast members told her she couldn’t walk down her favorite path, connecting FantasyLand to TomorrowLand. She literally lost her tit. Couldn’t believe that they would ask HER, of all people, to walk a different way than she was used to. It was completely obvious on her initial approach that the route was closed, but she ignored the tell-tail signs. Once they politely denied her, she waddled off proclaiming loudly how “strange“ it was that she couldn’t walk the way she wanted. Frankly, I’m pretty surprised they would treat the Queen of Disneyland with such disrespect, but I realize that the American workforce is a bit stressed & tense these days - probably has to do with this stuff I’ve been hearing about pandemics, inflation, and supply-chain issues. But I can’t really speak to that, I get most of my news from Best Life & Beyond, and they aren’t political.
Art Show - Spencer was responsible to submit an art piece to a local show in Malibu. He knew about it for months, but literally waited until the night before to ideate and produce the painting. Blamed it on working better under pressure, and KT claimed she also works better under pressure. (By that I’m guessing she’s referring to the pressure she feels from her landlord and the IRS which causes her to dredge the lake for monotonous, repetitive YouTube content - but I can’t say for sure, I’m not a doctor.) Anywho, he ended up painting a cute little tree on top of what I think was a late 90’s Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, but again, I’m not a doctor. He also complained about how long it took him, and how he wished he could have been doing other things, which is a little strange for an artist to do - it’s generally their passion that drives them - but I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.
Farmers Market - KT won’t be caught dead purchasing produce from a grocery store. She’d rather gouge her eyes out with her Polly Pocket press-on nails. She made another trip to the Laguna Beach farmers market (which is literally 15 miles away from the Anacapa Apartments in Irvine - google it.) While there are several markets closer to her, she insists on traveling to this one in particular, because womens athleisure is a more acceptable fashion choice in beach communities, and KT hasn’t tempted the zipper on a pair of jeans since long before she cheated on her husband with Spencer. Once she got home, she proceeded to ramble through an hour long live vlog where she taught the ancient art of washing your vegetables before consuming them. Thank god, because I’ve ingested an alarming amount of soil and pesticide over the years. We also learned that your sink is just like a big bowl - you can do anything from wash your dishes, to fondling your produce, to making a hearty stew.
Costco Trip - Those who can’t, CostCo. What do you do when you slept in too late to get a Disney reservation, but making your monthly rent still relies on you posting content to YouTube that day? That’s right, kids. You go shopping. At CostCo. The least kitsch, most reliable, nationwide big-box store in existence. Want to know how much the latest blender from CuisinArt costs? (the one with 3 speeds and the detachable blade for easy washing.) They’ve got you covered. Curious about the texture of a bean bag chair? Is it soft enough to justify the price? KT has the scoop. And don’t even get me started on the baguettes. 5 in a pack? Forget about it - BLAB has single-handedly saved my Paris-themed high-tea get together this weekend. I would have been the laughing stock of my bridge club if I hadn’t seen her sausage fingers hold that strange, vacuum-sealed bundle of bread up to the camera.
Churro Gluttony - I didn’t even realize the human body could process that much fried bread, sugar, and dipping goo. These two woke up in the late morning while most of the world was hard at work, making their contributions to society - and KT & Spence asked themselves, “How can we do our part?” And like in a cartoon, a literal lightbulb went off above Spencer’s head and he exclaimed in his best appropriated Irish accent - “Ohhhhh Kay-teh, we need to ensure that the world knows that Churros exist and that they can be purchased and eaten at the Disneyland resort!” So, they proceeded to film an entire vlog where they consumed every churro in the park and expertly shot back all of the dipping sauces like a fine whisky. (Virgin whisky for KT.) While they journeyed through the park largely unencumbered, they couldn’t escape walking past a duo of gentlemen in TomorrowLand that weren’t too keen on their vlogging lifestyle. The looks on their faces appeared as if these men were Tattle.life incarnate.
What‘s Happening Wednesday? - I’ll tell you what…not a goddamned thing. Sometimes I try to put myself in the shoes of a person who isn’t just hate-watching these nincompoops ironically, and I try to be objective. I try so hard - but it’s impossible. Two hours of two uninteresting, uneducated, untalented, inarticulate buffoons rambling aimlessly and directionless. The only saving grace that makes it worthwhile is when KT emasculates Spencer and makes it clear how little she cares about his hopes, dreams, passions, taste in music, or any clever anecdote he might attempt to share with their co-hosted online community. Oh gosh, I said “Only” saving grace, when I haven't even gotten to the part where she blatantly curb-stomped his passionate retelling of how his recent art show went. All it took was a fellow Disney vlogger to chime into the chat with a lame, ill-timed joke for her to erupt in a deafening cackle and immaturely flirt through the computer screen right in front of her beloved live-in, cuckolded boyfriend.
Thread #10 was truly one for the ages.
