To the Wambs-mobile! (It's parked directly next to the Jarli-mobile. We share a carport. He gets it Mon, Wed, Fri, and I get it on Tue, Thu and weekends)
Recap time
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Ding…ding…ding…"Your attention please. The Disneyland Limited now arriving from a trip around Walt Disney’s Magic Kingdom."
Oxford Dictionary describes a “death knell” as "the tolling of a bell used to refer to the imminent destruction or failure of something.” I think it’s painfully clear at this point why I would make such a reference, but my opening line above is meant to paint an audio/visual reference in your mind about how KT & Spencer’s specific knell might sound.
It’s been an interesting 48 hours in the BLABvel Universe™, which is really saying something, in that the 48hrs before THAT was pretty interesting as well.
Last we left off, Spencer had put on his most clever disguise and made his way to the Disneyland Resort to be there in time for rope drop on Friday morning. I really have to hand it to him in that, he may as well have been wearing some kind of secret government cloaking device. He was practically undetectable! The only thing that gave him away was the unmistakable residue left behind on the seat of his Pirates of the Caribbean boat from the chronic case of Puddle Butt he’s been battling since hitting middle age.
Now keep in mind, this PoTC vlog is the one they put it all on the line for. Their entire reputation could be at stake. One more misstep and it could all be over. And lucky for us, Spencer did not disappoint. In addition to probably carrying an infectious disease and passing it to thousands of unsuspecting park-goers, he also blatantly disobeyed a direct order from two of the cast members he claims to love so much and continued blocking the pathway leading from Adventureland into New Orleans Square for the next 45 minutes. And in yet another “Why did you guys do that?” moment that BLAB has become infamous for, he puts this clear-cut display of entitlement into his edited vlog. God bless him.
And speaking of, for those of us anxiously awaiting his vlog so we could learn all of the new bells and whistles that Disney added to this historic attraction, we had to wait until 3pm! Which, by then, several other vloggers had already posted the same content. Not that it matters though, I think we can all say without a shadow of a doubt that Spencer’s take will always be the best: the nasally-timbre of his voice, the heavy-breathing brought-on by a weight problem and Covid, the confident explanations of Disney’s colorful history with no actual historical backing or checks for accuracy, and of course, the puddle butt.
All of that said, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this PoTC vlog was a masterpiece, and truly one of the finest displays of modern journalism that I’ve ever seen. If he hadn’t put himself in harms way to cover this re-opening - the world would be a far different place. I mean, how else could we have learned that practically NOTHING had changed on the Pirates of the Caribbean. How could we have known with any level of certainty that this was nothing but a routine closure of a ride - something I’ve been dealing with since I was a young Wambsgan attending the park with my mom on my birthday and I’d get a little sad and she’d buy me a Mickey-shaped ice cream sandwich to cheer me up. Sometimes a ride just closes for good ol’ fashioned fixin’ or a new coat of paint. The only difference between my formative years and now, is that now we’ve got dozens of Disney adults with cameras pretending they’re April O’Neal and gunkin’ up the works. Spencer tried desperately to call out a few things like “I think the lighting is a little brighter in this part” - but at the end of the day, this is the exact same ride that closed a month or two ago.
Friday evening was largely quiet in BLAB’s camp. There’s speculation that KT pulled out the ol' “Post a picture of a cake and flee to Disneyland” trick so that she could go play at the park under the cover of darkness, and that she was turned away at the gates - but that’s still unsubstantiated. It’s extremely possible that she truly was just eating a pizza and a cake and watching Stranger Things all evening. Doesn’t sound like the worst Friday night, if I’m honest. I might have thrown a topping or two on that cheese pizza of hers - but otherwise - hey, we all like to let our hair down at home every now and again. However, on this evening in particular, the strangest thing occurring in KT’s life at that particular moment was not streaming from Netflix at all - it was the tidal wave forming in the distance from a little site called Reddit, and a little site called Inside The Magic, and a little site called Walt Disney World News Today, and a little site called Change.org. Thanks to one of our very own Tattle heroes, the news of KT & Spencer’s plans to infect an entire theme park’s worth of people had officially gone viral. These articles were absolutely scathing and really gave BLAB’s ego the one, two punch it has so rightfully deserved for a long time. And perhaps the most important aspect of this whole thing, is that KT is powerless to control the narrative. Their true colors have finally broken into the mainstream and she can’t delete a goddamned thing. (Pardon my French, just feels really good to say that)
Speaking from a purely scientific perspective, it’s been highly educational watching Hurricane KT ravage her own reputation in real-time. All I keep reminding myself is “Tom - Do NOT live your best life - just keep doing what you’re doing - just live your stupid mediocre life - and you’ll be OK.” I say this because, probably like the rest of you, I was shocked when she finally opened up the kimono and started unleashing the secret society of Tattle upon her hordes of followers. Like a woman obsessed, she spent her Saturday blasting “incriminating” screenshots out on Instagram. Clearly this was a last-ditch effort to appear the victim in all of this, and while admittedly some posts are more crass & abrasive than others - a lot of what she posted was either simple name-calling, or innocuous funny stuff that SHE HERSELF had to go hunting for...so is that really bullying?
(Save for the 100% fabricated text conversations where the person was actually threatening some level of violence - there’s no question as to the legitimacy of these. They don’t possess the usual Tattle charm, and we all know better - nice try KT.)
We’re all probably a little confused as to what she thought this would accomplish. Exposing the sheer magnitude of hate she receives on a daily basis to her fanbase will only cause them to ask more questions and perform their own investigations into her character and motivations. When there are 40,000+ comments on a message board and the common denominator is YOU, basic arithmetic will bring even the simplest of minds to the same conclusion - ya gurl sucks.
And lastly, I would once again be remiss if I didn’t touch on the great Covid Conspiracy from (midnight?) on Saturday evening. The fudged Covid tests. Wow. Just when you think two people can’t be any dumber, they go and do something like this…and TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES. Kidding, they didn’t redeem themselves. They actually sunk to a new low that was once thought to be scientifically impossible by the laws of physics. First of all, the narcissistic thought-process of these two has to be called into question here:
1) They thought that a negative test this late in the game would be their salvation.
2) Even with literally zillions of people owning an iPhone, they thought they’re the only ones smart enough to modify the date/time. And lastly, the jury is still out as to whether or not some degree of lousy photoshopping is at play here. We know Spencer has at LEAST enough skill to superimpose he and KT's faces on all their YouTube thumbnails - so who really knows.
But that said, you know how there’s smart criminals and there’s dumb criminals? I’ll let you guess which bucket these two fall into. If KT & Spence robbed a bank, KT would tell Spencer to wait in the getaway car while she did the robbery, but she’d make him wait in the passenger seat cuz her anxiety requires her to be in control of the car. Then she’d go in with a Stranger Things-themed toy gun and demand the bank teller fill up her For The Lively™ backpack with sequential bills. And later once she gets pinched by the police, they’ll show her the incriminating surveillance footage of the robbery and she’ll tell them “I don’t respond to lies and false accusations - this is shameful. I won’t be answering questions or commenting further.” But then later that evening, her Instagram stories will be full of screen shots of all the mean police officers who interrogated her.
Ok, we’ll leave it here for now. It’s early yet - who knows what else might happen as the day goes on. I’ve barely finished my coffee, but I can feel it in my bones - there's a storm coming.
Bye-bye everybody!