Baby Reindeer Netflix #3

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I do think it's good that it's raising awareness for stalking tbh, a lot of people don't seem to understand the severity of it or have absolutely no empathy for the victims of it because it doesn't 'seem serious', especially because the perpetrators are usually unusual people or mentally ill etc - if you watch any stalker documentary they are all similar types, but that doesn't make stalking alright. When it happened to me people kept saying 'he won't hurt you, he'll get bored and stop' but you don't know that when someone is hanging round your house or taking your train to work when they don't have any reason to be on it, and he didn't ever get bored or stop until the police were involved (and one of the articles said Fiona only stopped harassing someone once they threatened police action). At any time this behaviour can escalate and you're so powerless because it's so unpredictable and nobody takes you seriously. Even on this thread people have said 'just change your number' etc as if that stops them. It seems a lot of men have come forward about being raped or stalked etc and that can only be a good thing
 
judgejohndeed said:
I do think it's good that it's raising awareness for stalking tbh, a lot of people don't seem to understand the severity of it or have absolutely no empathy for the victims of it because it doesn't 'seem serious', especially because the perpetrators are usually unusual people or mentally ill etc - if you watch any stalker documentary they are all similar types, but that doesn't make stalking alright. When it happened to me people kept saying 'he won't hurt you, he'll get bored and stop' but you don't know that when someone is hanging round your house or taking your train to work when they don't have any reason to be on it, and he didn't ever get bored or stop until the police were involved (and one of the articles said Fiona only stopped harassing someone once they threatened police action). At any time this behaviour can escalate and you're so powerless because it's so unpredictable and nobody takes you seriously. Even on this thread people have said 'just change your number' etc as if that stops them. It seems a lot of men have come forward about being raped or stalked etc and that can only be a good thing
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Not even the police being involved stopped my stalker. I don't think I will ever fully be the same person again as I know he is truly always going to be there. I think unless you have been through it, you will never quite understand just how much a stalker can change and ruin your life.
 
Tinkerbell cat said:
Not even the police being involved stopped my stalker. I don't think I will ever fully be the same person again as I know he is truly always going to be there. I think unless you have been through it, you will never quite understand just how much a stalker can change and ruin your life.
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Totally. I deleted most of my social media accounts and I know I will never risk having them again, I don't post where I am - ever - I moved away. Mine still pops up in between others that he fixates on, usually by email, but it's background noise. Even saying that it's still not normal but the best it's going to get.
 
Tinkerbell cat said:
Not even the police being involved stopped my stalker. I don't think I will ever fully be the same person again as I know he is truly always going to be there. I think unless you have been through it, you will never quite understand just how much a stalker can change and ruin your life.
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I hear you ♥️

Me too.

Stalking is such an insidious thing and it changes you as a person.
 
judgejohndeed said:
Totally. I deleted most of my social media accounts and I know I will never risk having them again, I don't post where I am - ever - I moved away. Mine still pops up in between others that he fixates on, usually by email, but it's background noise. Even saying that it's still not normal but the best it's going to get.
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Mine has been ongoing for about 6yrs. I've heard through the grapevine he is actually in a relationship atm so that will be why he hasn't sent me any emails in the past couple of months but I know he hasn't gone away, I know he will be watching my twitter (the only public social media platform I have but I never post anything personal on there), I know he will send an email at some point just to remind me he is still there even though he gets no response. I never post where I am in real time, everytime someone adds me or I get a new email my heart is in my throat. After all this time I thought he would get bored but I think watching me is part of his routine, he wouldn't know how to fully stop :( .. Its awful.
Sending you hugs ❤
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HarryToby said:
I hear you ♥

Me too.

Stalking is such an insidious thing and it changes you as a person.
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It really does. I used to be such an outgoing person, and now I'm a complete introvert who keeps myself to myself - not a bad thing but it would be lovely to just get on with life freely instead of watching my every move and second guessing everything I do just incase my stalker is there in the background watching.

Sending hugs, i am sorry you're in the same boat ❤
 
I wonder if there's been any research into stalking and mental health disorders and whether it is linked to a disorder that has no name (owing to the fact as many victims have pointed out, that it isn't taken seriously) I ask because it isn't a normal way to think or live your life and as FH shows they appear completely unaware of what they're doing or maybe the extent they're doing it to?

Just to make clear my feelings, you can be mentally unwell AND be an awful person, having MH problems doesn't give you a free pass. I've also seen on here people say "well I have MH problems and I'd never do this" there's no comparison though, MH disorders are vast and most are woefully misunderstood and unresearched. Which brings me back to my initial musings about whether stalking is a specific mental illness.
 
Tinkerbell cat said:
I know he will send an email at some point just to remind me he is still there even
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It's 100% a control thing. The longest mine went quiet for was 2 years. Then suddenly a flurry of emails, death threats to me on social media etc. Gone quiet again for over a year touch wood. Sending love ♥

CaptainHolt said:
I wonder if there's been any research into stalking and mental health disorders and whether it is linked to a disorder that has no name (owing to the fact as many victims have pointed out, that it isn't taken seriously) I ask because it isn't a normal way to think or live your life and as FH shows they appear completely unaware of what they're doing or maybe the extent they're doing it to?

Just to make clear my feelings, you can be mentally unwell AND be an awful person, having MH problems doesn't give you a free pass. I've also seen on here people say "well I have MH problems and I'd never do this" there's no comparison though, MH disorders are vast and most are woefully misunderstood and unresearched. Which brings me back to my initial musings about whether stalking is a specific mental illness.
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Trying not to give too many details in case I become identifiable but mine got diagnosed with ADHD and said that's why he was a compulsive liar, and that it was my fault he couldn't stop contacting me as he was hyperfixating on me and me breaking up with him and ignoring him triggered his RSD
 
I felt sorry for 'Martha' a lot more than I did for Fiona. Martha is painted as dowdy and impoverished and lonely, then she falls hard for Donny because she has nothing good in her life. He says that the first thing he felt was pity for her.

But Fiona seemed much more in-yer-face deceptive. She didn't come across like someone telling tall tales to cover up the fact that she has a sad life - she was really gunning for it, saying she had lots of friends and her boyfriend is a lawyer. It didn't make me feel sorry for her, I just felt that she was very nasty and irritating.

I can imagine that if I met 'Martha' I might get lured into feeling sorry for her. Fiona was just a raging b!tch and I would leave a pub if she came in.
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Tmdso said:
She really has a thing against Jessica doesn’t she? Wonder if there’s a touch of jealousy there…
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Fiona doesn't want to admit that she's fat. She has mentioned Jessica's body type several times, without acknowledging that Jessica is much prettier than her. She knows deep down that she isn't as pretty as Jessica, so she wants to speak as if she's too attractive to be played by Jessica... and she hates that they cast someone fat, because she likes to pretend in her head that she isn't fat.
 
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InkHeart said:
I felt sorry for 'Martha' a lot more than I did for Fiona. Martha is painted as dowdy and impoverished and lonely, then she falls hard for Donny because she has nothing good in her life. He says that the first thing he felt was pity for her.

But Fiona seemed much more in-yer-face deceptive. She didn't come across like someone telling tall tales to cover up the fact that she has a sad life - she was really gunning for it, saying she had lots of friends and her boyfriend is a lawyer. It didn't make me feel sorry for her, I just felt that she was very nasty and irritating.

I can imagine that if I met 'Martha' I might get lured into feeling sorry for her. Fiona was just a raging b!tch and I would leave a pub if she came in.
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Fiona doesn't want to admit that she's fat. She has mentioned Jessica's body type several times, without acknowledging that Jessica is much prettier than her. She knows deep down that she isn't as pretty as Jessica, so she wants to speak as if she's too attractive to be played by Jessica... and she hates that they cast someone fat, because she likes to pretend in her head that she isn't fat.
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I don’t know if it’s not wanting to admit it, I think she genuinely sees herself completely differently to how she looks and everything she thinks and believes is true. I know not the same, but I have diagnosed body dysmorphia and I don’t understand what I look like - the way I would describe myself is totally different to how other people would describe me. Every time I see myself whether it be in the mirror, a photo, or video I struggle to recognise what I really look like, at the height of struggling I almost felt like like there was multiple versions of myself. It’s hard to explain but If I look at myself long enough, I can easily convince myself I look totally different to what I’m physically seeing. I can only think Fiona’s mind does something similar.
 
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veevee04 said:
Does anyone think this is all just big black mirror episode and they will be asking why the public were so interested in Martha who has no power mentally ill and on benefits and not the rapist who has money and power.
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Me and my friends have talked about this at length, where we’ve ended up landing on is that people WOULD be just as interested in him, if not more, if there had been breadcrumbs to follow and work out who he is as easily as there were for her. It took people literally a day to find her old tweets and then her fb?
There’s noth If as obvious to work out who the real ‘Darrien’ is, and the names being floated around don’t have such a social media presence as Fiona/Martha, so nothing much to see?
 
Has anyone got the link to her real fb profile? Presuming it is still active. Seems to be a load of impersonators up there so not sure who is who.
 
Paxobeans said:
Me and my friends have talked about this at length, where we’ve ended up landing on is that people WOULD be just as interested in him, if not more, if there had been breadcrumbs to follow and work out who he is as easily as there were for her. It took people literally a day to find her old tweets and then her fb?
There’s noth If as obvious to work out who the real ‘Darrien’ is, and the names being floated around don’t have such a social media presence as Fiona/Martha, so nothing much to see?
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Totally agree, I’m sure if someone from ‘luvvie land’ started posting loads of Facebook posts about how he’s been portrayed in BR people would be just as interested
 
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